Windows and doors, set. Beep Beep, Beep Beep. Motion detectors, set. Beep Beep, Beep Beep. Alarms set. Beep Beep. Beep Beep. My husband had an alarm system put into our home. He is ill and getting weaker and he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to protect me physically if someone were to break in.
It gives me a sense of security knowing that if someone were to walk through the garage or jiggle the windows and doors, an ear ringing alarm would sound and the police would immediately be called.
I started to think how wonderful it would have been to have an alarm in me when I was a child being sexually violated by family and friends– or to have the police called every time my ex-husband was raping or beating me. I wouldn’t have to justify those bruises and I wouldn’t be afraid to testify against them because the alarm and the police would be my witnesses. All the fears of exposure would be gone and, in a way, I think I would even be a hero.
As you probably know, it isn’t that simple. I couldn’t stop my abuse as a child and didn’t stop it as an adult. The windows and doors to my soul were open and my abusers walked in and took what ever they wanted.
They left physical as well as emotional scars. Trust was thrown in a corner, self-esteem was thrown aside, love was stomped on and boundaries were tossed out the window. My heart and my soul looked like a crime scene. I could have called the police to take fingerprints and give them a description of my abusers, but the damage was already done. I was unrecognizable as the person I was.
After many years and a new awareness for my own safety, I started to clean up the mess my abusers left behind. I put my soul, my heart and my physical body back together. I rebuilt them with supernatural strength and an alarm system built to my specifications.
Boundaries are being put back together with super glue, self-esteem with unbreakable thread, love is covered with a shield and trust is clamped with rivets of steel. My personal alarm system. The more pieces of my soul that I find and put back together, the more my alarm system covers. I can see out and others can see in, but I have a sign on my forehead now that reads, “Beware! Alarm System Built by Patty – Covered Head to Toe, Inside and Out.”
As a survivor of emotional, physical and sexual abuse, Patty Hite has been tenaciously pursuing her healing for over thirty years. She’s a passionate advocate for all survivors and dedicates her life to inspiring emotional wholeness in others. As a former victim of spousal abuse, she’s delighted to find true love with her husband of five years. She’s blessed with four children and six grandchildren.
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