My Story by Christina Enevoldsen
Oct 22nd, 2009 | By Christina Enevoldsen | Category: All Posts, Our Stories
Christina Enevoldsen
I feel like most of my life has been an effort to wake up from a nightmare. I had a desperate need to escape to the light of day, to free myself from the strange dreamworld of an alternate reality.
I don’t remember thinking about sexual abuse until I was about fourteen or fifteen. I was dating a boy and told him I had been raped. It seemed strange to me since I didn’t have any memory of being raped and hadn’t planned to say that. It came out of my mouth before I really thought about it. In hearing that, I realized I had the feeling for a long time that something awful had happened to me and that I felt dirty.
When I was in my early twenties, I drove past a preschool in a neighborhood close to where I lived as a young child. Suddenly I knew I was sexually abused. It’s not as though I was abused at that preschool, and I didn’t remember a specific instance, but I knew it was a fact, not just a feeling.
I was married with two small kids by then, but when I visited my parents, my mom and I stood in the kitchen and I told her that I was sexually abused. She responded without interest, as though I never said a word, but my dad yelled from his chair in the next room, “No, you weren’t!” Okay, end of discussion.
For years, I couldn’t remember anything specific. I knew that it was my dad who had abused me. I don’t know how I knew, but I knew. But also thought I might have been abused by others. I had the feeling of being passed around.
Although I didn’t have any specific memories, I could identify some of the effects of the abuse and began to address them. I knew I had problems saying no to men, that I acted in a very seductive way, that I was full of shame, and had difficulty setting boundaries so I tried to deal with those things.
Years passed and my twenty-one year marriage to a man who was verbally and financially abusive ended.
Five years later, I was happily and safely re-married and then everything changed. My twenty-four year old daughter, Bethany, called me one night to tell me she wanted to report her father, my ex-husband, for sexually abusing her. While doing my best to support her, I started having graphic flashbacks and dreams about my own abuse. I started seeing my childhood memories in a different light. All along, I thought I had no memories of my abuse, but it slowly occurred to me that what I thought of as normal father & daughter activities were in reality acts of sexual abuse.
My father not only abused me himself, but also traded me to other men. There were sex parties where young girls were exchanged. When I was about eight or nine, my dad bragged to a group of people that I would make a good call girl. He said it like that was a good thing. They all laughed. Around the same time, my dad lost his job and a wealthy neighbor helped to keep us fed. I was sent to the neighbor’s house, either as a favor or as payment for the food he gave us. The neighbor raped me with a pool stick in his basement. I walked home alone, hoping nobody would see what a bad girl I was.
One of the biggest fears I’ve had my whole life was that I would end up as a prostitute. I didn’t feel as though I had any choice. I was locked into that future and there was no escape. Remembering what my father did was difficult, but at least I knew I wasn’t crazy for fearing something that seemed so irrational. My body being traded was part of my past, but since I’ve faced the truth, I don’t fear it anymore.
I’m still on the healing journey, but I’ve woken up from my nightmare and have learned to shine the light on my past. Some days are still hard, but I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. The worst part of my life is over. I survived the abuse and if I can live through that, I can face anything.
Christina Enevoldsen is cofounder of Overcoming Sexual Abuse, an online resource for male and female abuse survivors looking for practical answers and tools for healing. Christina’s passions are writing and speaking about her own journey of healing from abuse and inspiring people toward wholeness. She and her husband live in Los Angeles and share three children and four grandchildren.
Does this resonate with you? Please join in by leaving your thoughts and feelings about this in the comments.
It seems that the more I talked about the lost memories, the more I knew. What was once locked away, opened up like the sun shining thru a slit in the curtain. Knowing that if I opened that curtain, more sun would shine thru. Well done. Tell us more.
I now know, that I have forgotten most of my life. The abuse I remember in detail, birth of my children, and a few good times, but up until 15 years ago, when I started getting free, I couldn’t remember faces, names, events. All kinds of stuff. I sometimes wonder if it still has to do with the hiding place. I can block things out of my mind so easy.
I needed to use my husbands soc. sec. # 6 years ago and told him, don’t worry, I won’t remember it. And to this day, I have to ask him each time. A person I knew over 15 years ago contacted me and I am having the hardest time remembering who she is and she is telling me things I don’t remember at all. My kids do the same thing. “Mom, remember this, remember that”. It’s as tho there is this valve in my brain that decides what to remember and what not to remember. I can stand in a room full of people and block them out totally. No sound, nothing.
Sometimes it’s a good thing, but sometimes it’s not. Especially for my husband. He can be talking to me and carrying on a whole conversation and I can block him out. Like I said in my first story. The memory blocker, my hiding place became a friend to me and I know, I need to tell this friend to move on. I am safe now. I am no longer afraid.
Thank you for sharing. Such courage. I am so glad that you have started this group with the mother-daughter focus. My daughters, my husband and I have our own story as well. I am so thankful there are people like you who are willing to expose the truth.
I am honored to read what your have shared. All the words are ripples of helpfulness and are isolation-breaking. Thank you! xo
Jessica,
Yes, you have your own courageous story. I’m so glad that neither of us could be stopped!
Hugs, Christina
Sarah,
I’m happy that my story was helpful to you. That’s what I’m hoping for. I hate for other survivors to feel alone in their experience or their feelings. I wish you healing!
Hugs, Christina
Just read your story today. Ripples of pain shuddered as I read. Amazing how the mind blocks for so long what we must block to go on… and then when it brings the memory… does it just come back unpredictably in a flash? <3
Lisa,
Yes, it still amazes me how much we can hide from ourselves so we can focus on survival until we’re ready to face it. For me, the surfacing of each incident was different. At first, they seemed to come from out of nowhere, though as I learned to see the signs, I noticed that my mood would change a day or two before some new memory was revealed. I learned to take special care of myself during those times so I could express my emotions without feeling pulled into excessive activity. It was actually a relief to get my memories back. I was holding onto them for so long and the weight was pulling me down. It’s been good to get them out, face them, process them and let them go.
Thanks for your comment! Hugs, Christina
Interesting that you learn to recognize the signs, and the mood changes just before.
Must have taken a lot of courage to not ignore or repress or brush them off.
Not there yet, but thank you so much for your courage to heal and share it!
Lisa,
It’s not so hard anymore. I recognize the pain that surfaces for what it is– an indication of unresolved issues. It’s easier to just face it when it comes up than to try to bury it back up. I feel so much better afterwards, so that’s very motivating! I know it’s not easy at first, but it’s so worth facing. You get your life back!
Be well, Christina
It is awesome to see that I am not alone.I kept my sexual abuse a secret for 20 years and only told my mom 2 weeks ago. I was sexually abuse by my brother and was raped by my father.I decided it is time for me to heal and look after myself and what is the best for me.I have a lot of anger,shame and lost all my self respect and it is know time to deal with this.I am 30 and want to be happy.I don’t want to be the victim anymore.
Hi Cindy,
You’re right, you are definitely not alone. I’m sorry for what you went through and that you’ve been alone with your secret for so long. That must have been hard to talk to your mom about it. How did she respond? I’m happy to hear you’re ready to heal and look after yourself now. You’re worth it. Welcome to the healing community!
Hugs, Christina
Hi Christina
Well Christina my mom was shocked and had a lot of questions.Like where did it happen? When did it happen? Why would he do it? I was really mad because this was the questions that she was suppose to asked my brother and not me.My mom is the type of person that don’t know how to respond to serious matters.I know she just want to forget about what I said,but I know my mom she is blaming herself know.The rape she just asked me why did I not scream? I was so mad because it felt like she was blaming me,but i don’t blame her.I just want to heal Christina.I was in a terrible relationship the last year and he cheated on me and the last lady was married and I just could not handle it and broke of the engagement.It is now 4 months later and still struggling with it,because if feels like the men cheating on me because I am not good enough.
Wow, Cindy! I can see how those questions from your mom feels as though she is blaming you. I’m sorry she’s not more supportive.
Sometimes people who love us don’t have any interest in learning how to be supportive and other times, they just need to be educated on what kind of support to give. Have you read this? http://overcomingsexualabuse.com/2010/04/07/how-to-support-a-survivor-of-sexual-abuse/ It’s an article that can help survivors communicate their support needs.
You sound very strong in spite of everything that’s happened to you. Do you have a plan yet for your healing process? Have you told anyone else yet? Are you on facebook? We have a great community of survivors who support one another on our FB page.
Christina
Hi Christina.Yes was very surprised how my mom handle it,but know it seems like she just forget about everything and go on as normal and I am still struggling.I am trying so hard to be positive and go on,but I was diagnose with MDE(Major Depression Disorder) when I was 18 and this is a struggle on his own.My terapist suggest that that I must go for 3 weeks to Sereno Clinic and I decided to go in November.A few people know about it, close friends. Yes I am on facebook.
Thank you for the support so far.
Hi Cindy,
I’m so glad to hear you’re seeking support for yourself. It seems that anything is possible to overcome when we have people around us who are cheering us on and willing to point us in the right direction.
Hugs to you, Christina
Hi Christina.I am so sad today and heart broken.My mom told me last night she spoke to my brother and she believe him that he did not sexually abuse me for all those years.She told me I am a sick person and need help.I feel so helpless and alone.
Cindy,
I’m so sorry to hear that your mom is responding that way now. She may not support you, but you still aren’t alone. Have you joined the Overcoming Sexual Abuse site on Facebook? You’ll get a lot of support and encouragment there. There’s also a blog series called “What If My Family Rejects Me” parts one, two and three that might help too.
Hugs, Christina
Christina,
Reading this just makes me was to punch all those men in the face!
The very idea that your father said to other men that you would make a good call girl!? Your neighbor was an unspeakable pig, too.
This makes me so angry.!!!!!!
I have a great deal of admiration for your sheer guts in writing this blog and helping other people to speak up and stand up.
I hate what you and your daughter went through. I hate it.
Can you tell me what role has the issue of ‘forgiveness’ played? I don’t feel like forgiving the person/s who abused my daughter, or feel like forgiving the sister who turned her back on my then ten yr old daughtera and I when we were stalked by my mother’s friend. Now though, I don’t dwell on it as much. I had alot of rage- real hatred for a time for this.I didn’t know what to fo with sll the anger for years-so I talked about it and I did write about it but that made it worse. Maybe I didn’t do it long enough.
I tried to forgive but I didn’t sever the connections and I would get hurt all over again in my family. Now mom is dead and my sister and I haven’t spoken in a year, yet it was not I who severed the connection- she did.
Thanks SO much for your story and your willingness to share and be supportive of everyone.
Hi Liz,
Thanks for your encouragement! The issue of forgiveness is complicated. I was raised with the belief that forgiveness was mandatory and that if I didn’t forgive, I was just as bad as the abusers. I tried for years to forgive, and thought I had. Once my memories came up, I realized the idea of forgiveness was just putting a lid on all my emotions. It was a form of denial. So I put forgiveness aside and worked through my anger and hatred. A LOT of it!
I wrote a post about my process with forgiveness: http://overcomingsexualabuse.com/2010/10/28/what-about-forgiveness/
Hugs to you, Christina
My heart breaks at the abuse you suffered. God bless you and I know your misery has become your ministry and you will help many people. I thank God for your courage and for blessing you with a Man who loves and adores you. Thank you for sharing your story.
Dee,
You’re right. I’m so happy that I get to share my process and that the pain from the past and the effects from abuse CAN be overcome. Nothing delights me more than to turn something that brought such misery to my life into something so wonderful. Thanks for sharing!
Christina
I am working on my own ministry to help others emerge & heal from sexual abuse, as well, as other types of abuse… As God began to peel my past like an onion… part of me could not believe what I had survived. He is go gracious & merciful to not show it all to us at once. Fear is at the root of every bondage relating to dealing with the past to TRY hinder our healing… I thank you for letting us share in the healing of your past, this inspires me to share more. We have a very similiar calling and vision. He is so faithful! Thank you for investing in all of us and our recovery by sharing your story. I press on. God bless
Shawnda, how great it is to share the hope of healing that we’ve found! Good for you for sharing your life with others who are hurting!
I wish I could forget everything that happened to me, but I remember everyday. Anything can triguer a memory pictures, sounds, smells, people; all I want is to forget, but I can’t, and I’m tired of being strong.
I cannot forget. I am 62 years and my mother set me up with my father at the age of four. I became the buffer that kept the family together. I married my husband in 1971 after knowing him for only 6 weeks. But I was unable to tell him until my brother had twin daughters in 1986. To protect them, I had to tell even though my parents said that if I ever told, he would leave me…they had done every thing in their power to break us up. This coming December we will have been married for 40 years. The last time I spoke to my parents in 1997, my mother said “that was a long time ago…why does it bother you now? I have asked God to forgive them…I can’t seem to. The person I can’t seem to forgive is myself. I remember every day and despite having a wonderful husband, two amazing sons and two grandchildren, there is not a day that goes by that I don’t feel the pain of the first 20 years of my life.
Forgiveness is a personal issue, for some people it’s a non-issue, though there always seems to be a person who does not respect personal boundaries who tries to make it an issue for someone else.
I think most people would see it as inappropriate to encourage a Holocaust victim to forgive Hitler.
I hope most people would recognize that the way a Holocaust victim deals with their feelings is a personal issue.
I think there are two reasons that survivors of abuse from a family member don’t get the same respect:
1. If the survivor ‘forgives’ everyone can pretend it never happened and that it’s a nonissue. The delusion of one big happy family can live on.
2. There is inside most adults a little child who still thinks mommy and daddy are ‘good’ and children are ‘bad’ for holding their parents responsible for their destructive actions. These people preach forgiveness to maintain this mindset. It’s threatening to them to think, “Maybe Mom and Dad weren’t good people.” They would rather believe that their sister the survivor is bad for not forgiving. They will even encourage her to do it for herself, to relieve her anger, when in fact they want her to do it for themselves-to help them maintain their false, childhood belief that Mom and Dad are good people. The truth is scary.
Linda,
Letting go of the self-blame and forgiving ourselves is some of the hardest parts of healing. For me, there have been so many layers to it. I can finally give 100% of the blame, shame and responsibility to my abusers. I was a vulnerable child who didn’t even have any say over if I ate all my peas or not, so I know I didn’t have any say over the abuse. I hope you keep looking at the truth and are able to forgive yourself. You are blameless and didn’t do anything wrong.
Christina
Cassandra,
I absolutely agree with the reasons you give for people “pushing” forgiveness. Another one is that they are intimidated by abusers. They can’t stand up to abusive behavior and think they are protecting you to tell you to drop the issue. And that’s how the cycle continues. Thanks for sharing that!
Christina
Cassandra,
Thank you for the validation that you gave me. My abuse extended to even what and how much I ate, even as a small child. I was forced to clean my plate even to the point of vomiting because there was too much. Then my mother forced me to eat everything that I had thrown up. Years later, I had eating disorders that could be traced back to everything that had happened to me. When I was very young, my mother and father stood me on a chair and pointed out all of my flaws to whoever came to our house. I am 62 years old and I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror. My husband, sons and daughter-in-law keep telling me that I am beautiful, but I will never be able to see it. I have had so many tell me to just “let it go”. But the damage is done. I do believe that my faith in God is what has enabled me to survive all of it. And a beautiful new granddaughter and now a grandson on the way keeps me believing in the goodness of some over the worst of others.
Prayers always,
Linda
I said Cassandra. I meant to address both Christina and Cassandra.
Linda
Christina,
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I have a story of my own. It’s wonderful to know that someone else knows what it’s like to block out their memories. I don’t know if I’ll ever get them back. And sometimes I’m scared of what I’ll remember. But in my heart I want so badly to remember. To know if the reason I didn’t bleed the first time I had sex was really baceause of the time I fell in the bathroom and landed on my foot when I was 10. You and your strength are a real inspiration. Thank you so much
Andrea
Christina,
Do you still have contact with your parents? I stopped communicating with mine in 1997 and my much younger sister (who is now a Lesbian…something she says is not because of abuse) in 1998 because she acused me of betraying my parents?? My sons consider my parents dead, but my husband’s mother and my sister want me to contact them, that I will regret not seeing them before they die. My husband is very supportive of me not seeing them any more. But I am so confused, that I am being pulled apart with guilt. I am being told to Honor My Father and Mother, that I will go to Hell if I don’t. Not by our friends and not by our minister but by my husband’s family. I am so tired lately that I am sick almost all of the time. I am tired of the past and want to put it behind me, but it is thrown up in my face almost constantly. Thank you so much for talking about things. My heart goes out to you.
Prayers always,
Linda
Christina, I think you need to forgive yourself. It’s the only way to find the serenity you deserve after all your years of suffering and guilt. Every choice you made was understandable and forgivable when you made it, especially at the age and under the circumstances of your life at the time.
Sure, those choices look unforgivable to you now with 20-20 hindsight, Your blogs show that you understand what you did wrong, and have sincerely apologized to the people you hurt, and are helping your daughter recover from any damage you are only partly responsible for. Sharing your story publicly to help others, risking their ridicule and censure, is an admirable act of contrition.
God requires remorse, understanding of what you did wrong, amends to the person you hurt, and a positive act of contrition. You have earned God’s forgiveness, and He has already forgiven you. It is time for forgive yourself.
You’ve punished yourself for those choices long enough to qualify for amnesty. Amnesty simply means you’ve punished yourself long enough, are truly remorseful, are making amends, and understand your mistakes. it is not saying that you did not make mistakes long ago. Forgive yourself. You did the best you could at the time, and now, with new understanding, you’ve made your best infinitely better.
Ken Braiterman
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your “confessions” article. I’ve been searching the web for anyone, anywhere who had a similar story to mine. Why do I search out other mothers whose children have been systematically abused by their father? Who knows, but there you go. All I can say is, me too. The pain, shame and guilt are sometimes overwhelming but I am determined to deal, heal and move on, not only for my sake but for my children as well.
Hi Ken,
I agree that self-forgiveness is so important. Until I did that, I was stuck in the past and all the blame and shame- the same weapons of abuse. Thanks for you encouragement.
Christina
Netty,
Oh, I’m so sorry you’ve been in a similar situation! I know how overwhelming the shame and guilt can be. It’s so hard not to condemn yourself. I’m glad you’re working through those feelings. You deserve to heal and your children deserve a mother who is healed. Thank you so much for commenting. I’m glad you know you’re not alone.
Christina
Linda,
The “honor your father and mother” pressure is responsible for so much abuse! I understand the conflict so very well since I had that echoing in my head all my life. I finally found peace with it though and I wrote about it in a blog post: http://overcomingsexualabuse.com/2010/12/12/my-parents-are-dead-to-me/
Christina
Thank you Christina,
My mother-in-law called me on our 40th wedding anniversary to tell me that my parents were still my parents and that I should forgive and forget or I would regret not seeing them before they die. I am called “unchristian” by my sister and two ladies at church, one of whom is our minister’s wife and some other family members when I talk about God and prayer…that I do not have the right to speak of Him. One psychiatrist that I went to for help told me that “to err is human, to forgive divine”. Another doctor said that there are more people with problems greater than mine ( I know that)
My daughter-in-law’s mother does not want to associate with us and seems to feel that I will damage our only two grandchildren (2 years and 1 month) and manages to monopolize time with our granddaughter. My sons and my daughter-in-law have been very supportive and my husbands and two sons don’t want to see my parents.
But there is the question of going to the funerals when they do die. I don’t want to offend my uncles, aunts or my brothers. My sister thinks that I owe my parents an apology. I don’t know how to cope with going through the same dynamics of our family 40 years ago and keeping up the lies. My mother has been put on a pedestal by her nieces and nephews and I am continually being asked what is wrong with me, that I am putting such good people through such pain.
I have been having nightmares that people pass me on the street and move to avoid me and I walk into a room with our whole family and find myself alone, with no one to speak to me. I am so tired…I don’t know how to cope with this anymore. As the holidays come, it seems like the only family I have left are my husband, sons, daughter-in-law and grandchildren. I am blessed for this, but it is so difficult to know that because I “chose to tell” I am now facing what my father drilled into my head for 16 years, that if I ever told, no one would ever speak to me again.
Thank you so much for listening…may God be with you for the holidays and always,
Linda
Linda,
All of those comments are so invalidating to you!
I know that a lot of abuse survivors wrestle over the funeral question. I’ve been asked if I was planning to attend my parent’s funeral. Even if I was welcome there, I don’t have any interest in going. They are dead to me already. For the relatives I would be supporting, I don’t consider that it would be a good enough reason to go. I’ve put everyone ahead of myself my whole life. I’m sure it will be difficult for me when my parents die, but it will be a different type of grieving and I want to take care of myself for a change.
I hope that whatever you decide, you value your own feelings. They’ve been discounted so much already.
Christina
Thank you so much for your support, Christina,
I have come to the point where I feel like so much has been said and done to me by others that I don’t see any future left…I have many stress related problems, both physical and mental. I am 62 but feel like I’m 92. My husband keeps trying to make me feel better, talking about moving in 2013 when he retires and building the house I’ve always wanted. But I keep catching myself saying things like, “Maybe in my next life, I’ll do this or that differently”, seemingly joking, but actually feeling like I have run out of time in this life.
My husband and sons are wonderful and I try to not trouble them too much, they worry enough now. But I can’t see beyond tomorrow and feel unable to change what others think about me and what I think about myself. It seems like the damage is so deep, from the mental browbeating and constant insults from my mother, the physical and sexual abuse by my father to the psychological attacks by others close to me. As wonderful as my husband and sons are, they are unable to contemplate how deep the damage goes…they innocently tell me to put it behind me…they are desperate for me to have a happy life.
I don’t mean to complain and I do try daily to change my thought processes (and for a while thought I had) but it seems like I take 1 step forward and 2 back. I would not harm myself, but sometimes look forward to a better life with God and Christ…that is my only comfort. As for a second chance, I am looking forward to wonders in the next world.
Prayers always,
Linda
Linda,
I tried to change my thoughts for years and years. I thought positive thinking and avoiding negative thoughts was the answer, but it never worked for me. I found that they only way to truly “think positive” was to confront the negative thoughts instead of running from them or trying to cover them up. Those “negative” thoughts are often the parts of you that were never heard and they continue to fight for recognition and expression. Sometimes, they express themselves in very harmful ways unless we find out what they are trying to say. My daughter, Bethany, struggled with some alarming thoughts until she discovered where they came from. Then, she could deal with them and now she doesn’t have those thoughts anymore. She wrote a blog post about her process: http://overcomingsexualabuse.com/2011/03/21/dead-silence-killing-my-voice/
This is the first time I’ve read this post. All I can truly think is that I’m not alone. It has taken me years to get to the point where I can be honest about my past. I want to free myself as well by talking about it. I want to undo all the lies I’ve had to tell to cover up the past. I want to share it all but I don’t know where to start when it comes to sharing. A lot of my mind is still in pieces. Thank you for sharing, Christina.
Hi Genesis, I’m glad you’re taking the steps to free yourself. You’re worth the effort! Christina
Hi Christina,
Thanks for sharing your story! It is sad, depressing, and so real. I was ashamed that my first thought in reading about your being passed around was, “No way, that can’t possibly be true.” How could I think such a thing, when I know so intimately the pain of being disbelieved?!
I don’t have many clear memories of my abuse, mostly vague body feelings and memories of the suggestion and things that were said. When I was 12, my half-sister (from my father’s previous marriage) confronted him, accused him of sexual abuse, and forced him to tell his new family (our family). I’m the youngest in my family with one older sister. Somehow, my mom and dad decided “together” that I was too young to be told about it so no one told me that he had admitted to being sexually abusive of my half-sister until after he died, when I was 17. At that point I also got the news that my older sister and my mom both knew about this but chose not to tell me AND of course what’s worse is my mom knowingly stayed with a child abuser and she never even checked in with me to ask if I’d been molested. He said he didn’t touch my sister or I and she just believed him.
He was a monster and she commiserated with him. Ugh. And now, after all this time, still my mother and sister are convinced I need to ‘just move on’ and my sister asks me not to tell anyone for fear of harming my dead father’s good reputation, particularly in the church. Ahhhh!!! It is no wonder I struggle with abandonment depression and Complex PTSD. I just wish I had a group of supportive women to help me out…which is this website. Are you planning any retreats? I’m located in San Francisco and would like to connect with other overcomers.
Most of the time, my mind is screaming, “Please believe me!”. Not just that the abuse happened, but that it is more than just something to move on from…and not just for other people to believe me, but for me to really believe myself and support myself.
Amy
AmyH,,
I understand your disbelief reaction to me being passed around. It’s a way to separate from it, which is a natural defense.
I can also relate to wanting so badly to be believed. I remember how I felt when my mom wrote me a letter saying that I’m living in a fantasy world if I think my dad abused me. I felt like if she was denying my existence when she denied my abuse. In that moment, I knew what it meant to be “invalidated”. Since she didn’t acknowledge the thing that shaped so much of my life, I felt like my existence wasn’t valid–like she could erase me with her dismissal.
I like your last line about really believing yourself. That’s the only way I’ve been able to keep on speaking the truth without worrying about what anyone else says. Nobody else can define me or my experience and I’m secure in that now. I’m glad you’ve joined us in this journey!
Christina
YOU TOLD MY STORY CHRISTINA, ONLY IT WAS MY MOTHER WHO PASSED ME AROUND….AS I READ YOUR STORY AND AS I WRITE THIS MY HEART IS BEATING SO FAST….FOR WE ARE CONNECTED BY THE HEART, AND IT BRINGS BACK THE MEMORIES…EVEN THOUGH IT IS ABOUT YOU, IT ABOUT US, ALL OF US WHO HAVE SURVIVED,….WE HEAL TOGETHER! THANK YOU FOR THIS WEBSITE, AS LIKE ME…..YOU HAVE TAKEN THE PATH OF A HEALER! I WORK AS A SAFE HOUSE MANAGER FOR ABUSED WOMEN AND CHILDREN!…..KEEP SHINING AND REFLECTTING THE LIGHT FOR THOSE WHO ARE JUST STARTING THE PROCESS OF HEALING!…..GOD BLESS YOU MY WARRIOR-WISE-SISTER! I HONOR YOUR COURAGE, STRENGTH, HONESTY, AND FAITH!…YOU ARE YOUR OWN HERO!
Christina: I am a survivor of multiple rapes and domestic violence. I took my last abuser to trial (actually it took two trials) to get a standing conviction. As a result I have written an autobiography and contemporary guide for survivors of domestic violence and sexual abuse. The book is entitled “Save Your Life”. Consequently, I have become a motivational and inspirational speaker and Certified Self-Esteem Master Trainer (CSEMT). If you would be interested I would love to do some collaborative work with you.
Joanne, yes, we are indeed our own healers and heroes! Thank you for sharing!
Rashidah,
Good for you for standing up for yourself! That’s so empowering.
Christina