by Bethany Ruck I grew up watching Disney movies, dreaming that one day I could be the heroine of the story or wed a handsome prince. I yearned to live out an epic romance, where I would be swept off my feet by a loving man. I wanted a guy to see me and think, [...]

by Bethany Ruck I was ten years old when I blurted out my dark secret to my mom: I fantasized about dying tragically. Before I could finish detailing exactly how I wanted my body to be found, she interrupted me with, “Bethany, don’t ever say that again!” So I shut my mouth. I wanted to [...]

by Bethany Ruck I had to cover my eyes during kissing scenes in movies until my teens. I couldn’t ride my bike more than two blocks away. All of my friends had to be approved. My mom would check all of my essays to make sure they were perfect before I even turned in a [...]

 by Bethany Ruck  When my last boyfriend and I began dating, we would see each other once a week. The in between times were filled with hour-long telephone calls before bed, a lot of getting to know you time and even more of the sickening, “No, I miss you more” fluff.  One night the conversation [...]

by Bethany Ruck Birthdays usually mean surprises. I remember one particular birthday en route to our destination I was lead into a dark room and without warning, all of my closest friends popped out shouting my praises. I was so taken aback. Immediately my defenses went up. This should have been a happy moment, but [...]

by Bethany Ruck There I was, twenty-four years old and I’d never had a vaginal exam. I don’t like being touched in the first place, let alone being poked and prodded in my sacred areas. I had avoided the pap smear for years. Going to the doctor should be simple, right? I mean, all I [...]

by Bethany Ruck Today I was dealing with a lot of the preparation for my upcoming trail and found myself filled with an overwhelming anxiety. The kind where you shake from your core, and you don’t know whether to cry or scream. I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I [...]

by Bethany Ruck I’m now being forced to look at my childhood for what it was, not the pretty picture I imagined it to be. For years I convinced myself that I had a good childhood, despite all the abuse I endured. Then I remembered that the good times were really just a cover for [...]

by Bethany Ruck I know a girl who follows me everywhere. Switchblade toting, tough, fearless, confident, feisty – the kind of girl you wouldn’t want to cross paths with in a dark alley. Yes, she may be a bitch, but I’ve grown very fond of her. I keep her around to get me through the [...]