Comments on: Dysfunctional Family Holiday Survival Tips

By: Lynn

Lynn — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 02:00:22 +0000

I just found your website by accident. Thank God. My life too, has been filled with a long list of abusers, but oddly enough God spared me and gave me a decent and loving husband who has seen me go thru one emotional roller coaster ride after another. (can’t believe he’s stuck with me for 29 years) Our family was quite dysfunctoinal, but I’ve always been there for them everytime they needed me for something. I feel so guilty now, as this was the first Christmas that I have not been with them. My husband put his foot down and took his stand on being my “protector”. He prays for me every day and I know that has helped me enormously to start seeing the truth. The truth really does hurt. I think it’s especially hard when you love the Lord, and believe that it’s our “duty” to love everyone and to forgive…. Forgiving I can do (with His help of course), but I don’t know exactly yet, what real love is, or how to even love myself. I haven’t had the courage to confront my dad, since I know that he would deny everything and make me feel like a fool. (he’s very intimidating) Do you think it’s wrong to disassociate yourself from parents? The last time he called he told me that I would feel terrible if something happened to them (he and his new wife, who is extremely manipulating. My mother(a wonderful lady) passed away, due to the stress he put on her, I firmly believe) Anyway, how can I stop from feeling like a “bad” daughter and get some peace? Thanks.

By: Lynn

Lynn — Sun, 30 Dec 2012 03:48:16 +0000

I am so happy I found your website.

I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I was sexually abused by many but the one I want to talk about is my father. As a child and adult I have suffered from eating disorders, post-traumatic stress disorder, panic, anxiety.

Three months ago my niece disclosed to me that that she was sexually abused by my dad at the age of 4. I was totally horrified. Being through many years of group counselling and one on one counselling I felt that I was on my way to recovery but when this was disclosed to me I have had so many feelings I don’t know what
to do with. Unfortunately my sexual abuse was disclosed by one of my brother’s wife’s when infact she had absolutely no right to say anything to my parents. This happened approximately 16 years ago. I was then told I was crazy by my dad, he was going to have a psychiatric assessment done on me (thank goodness I knew better), correspondence from the false memory syndrome, and my mom said she did not believe me as my dad had never done that to her. My memory recollects that this abuse by my dad happened when I was 10 years old. When it happened my mom was hospitalized for surgery and spent months recuperating in a convalescent home. My niece told me in confidence and does not want me to share it with anyone. I want to be able to share it with other family members but like me I was never believed by some family members, she feels the same way. At present I have no contact with my parents and even moreso since I found out what happened to my niece. My father has also brainwashed my daughter into believing him. It has hit me so very hard as my precious grandchildren are now 4 & 10 years old. I suffer from nightmares and the list goes on. Please help me.

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Mon, 17 Dec 2012 19:02:46 +0000

Gretchen,
Congratulations on getting clean and standing up for yourself! It sounds like you’re well on your way to freedom. Thanks for sharing!
Christina

By: Gretchen

Gretchen — Mon, 17 Dec 2012 18:50:39 +0000

This is awesome, I’ve been doing some of these since I got clean 6 years, the helped me alot. Not being around my blood family is hard, but my sober family makes up for it in a better way. Just have to say Thank you to you Ladies, for giving me the encouragement everyday to work on my past abuse issues!! I look forward to having my freedom back one day..

Thanks
Gretchen

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Wed, 28 Nov 2012 17:46:23 +0000

Elaine,
That’s so great that you aren’t manipulated by obligation anymore and are choosing what you want. Hooray for freedom!

I can relate to feeling like I was right back as a child. The truth is that feeling like a child shouldn’t feel bad at all. A child shouldn’t feel shamed and wrong all the time. A child shouldn’t feel powerless and invisible. It shouldn’t be a bad thing to be younger and smaller. Just the fact that “family” wants to put us in former roles reveals so much. Thanks for sharing!

Christina

By: Elaine

Elaine — Wed, 28 Nov 2012 16:48:11 +0000

Great read and story. I stopped doing obligatory holidays a while ago. My holiday with my mother around was so stressful and abusive. I would feel as though I was 15 years old and a total screw up. The I would resent all my time there and go home with an emotional hangover that took days to get over. This year I hung out with my aunt and my cousins with my family. Great day, lots of laughs and no tension. What a relief. I divorced my mother a year ago. After the initial pain, I am now finding freedoma nd relief. So good to read posts, knowing I am not alone. Thanks.

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Fri, 23 Nov 2012 04:57:34 +0000

Melanie,
I’m so glad you came up with a plan. Please let us know how it goes for you and if you come up with any other ideas for empowering yourself. Thanks for your comment.

Happy Holidays!
Christina

By: Melanie

Melanie — Fri, 23 Nov 2012 02:53:08 +0000

Thank you so much for this article. People think that because I choose not to have my verbally abusive father and sisters in my life that I must hate them. Not the case. I just don’t need negative in my life. Life is too short to put up with negitive! This year for the first time in 2 years I will see my sisters. I read your article to my husband and we made a game plan!

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Thu, 22 Nov 2012 01:23:55 +0000

Kylie,
I completely agree that freedom rocks! I can relate to having to make an effort to remember that “I’m an adult, this is my life, I make my own choices.” Dysfunctional families train us not to belief that truth. Yay for us for searching for the truth and living it! Thanks for sharing.

Christina

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Thu, 22 Nov 2012 01:19:54 +0000

Piya,
I’m happy for you that you found people you enjoying being around. I agree that it’s such an important part of enjoying your time and that if you can’t find that, it’s better to be alone.

Before I started healing, I never considered being alone as an option. I was still operating from my childhood fears of abandonment and it’s taken a long time to face the many layers of that fear. Until I really dealt with that, my choices were so limited because I was so afraid of being rejected or alone. Options really opened up for me when I began to reconcile with myself and give myself the things I needed.

Happy Holidays,
Christina