Comments on: Confronting My Abuser

By: Lula Bell

Lula Bell — Fri, 24 May 2013 04:42:38 +0000

I was sexually assaulted in college. He befriended me first and then committed the rape. I feel angry and hurt and do not recall any of the assault. I have repressed memories and PTSD and etc.

By: Melissa

Melissa — Tue, 26 Mar 2013 19:49:54 +0000

I am a wife and mother of three great kids – married for almost 25 years. A year ago, my father in law (my husband’s step dad) started making sexual advances on me, including grabbing me and kissing me after I came out of the bathroom. At first I shrugged it off – praying it was my overactive imagination or that he was drunk, maybe both. Finally, he started asking me if we were “cool”, and at Thanksgiving he told me he loved me, and accused me of having “encouraged” his actions! I DID NOT!!!! He lied, and accused me of trying to grab his penis. I wanted to barf. I denied it vehemently.I finally told my husband, and he decided NOT to tell his Mom as it would hurt her. “But what about me?” I think to myself EVERY SINGLE DAY since this happened. It has ruined my relationship with my father in law, who NOW knows that we are not “cool”, by my very “cool” behavior toward him. I ignore him completely and avoid all eye contact and conversation when possible. My mother in law surely senses something is going on – but I am sure he puts the entire blame on me. The question is: WHY do assholes like this try and tell you that YOU encouraged their behavior? Why am I so angry against my husband for protecting his mother (AND his inheritance) and not his wife? It has destroyed me in so many ways. I am disgusted now, and it has boiled over into my relationship with my husband, sexual and otherwise. I was in great shape….but since then, I have stopped working out and gained 20 pounds, because of it. I was sexually abused in a foster home between the ages of 3-7, and suddenly its all regurgitated in me. I feel as vulnerable as I did then – and powerless to do anything about it, because it would DESTROY our family. But what about me? That is what I keep saying to myself over and over again….why do I have to be the victim and continue to suffer. Why should I be the one who has to pay for therapy to learn how to “deal” with this?

By: Sharon

Sharon — Thu, 03 Jan 2013 06:26:17 +0000

Hi… Thanks for sharing your story! I was sexually abused by my father. And ooo how all the story’s sound so much alike. Glad I’m not alone. I was reading Tina story and we are battling the same fight. I’m 26 and me and my boyfriend have been together over 9 years now and sex is something that just doesn’t happen. I have a lot of triggers. When he(my boyfriend) drinks is a big one. My(sprem donor) dank all the time and his breath is something I vividly remember sticking on my body after he would abuse me. So having sex w my man after he’s been drinking is painful for me. It’s just something he doesn’t get. We talk about all the time and he just DONT get it. It’s so bad that I’m Willing to let go of our family. I feel this something he should repect. Am I asking to much of my man to stop drinking? As much as I try this sexually abuse is still controlling my life!

By: Andrew

Andrew — Mon, 17 Dec 2012 19:25:19 +0000

Christina, thanks for this site and your courage to both tell and hear such pain. Thanks too for allowing both men and women to share their stories in safety and empathy. Male survivors face some unique challenges, trying to tell their stories.

I managed to retain my faith against many odds and continue to speak and write for people of faith who have had their faith shredded in the grinder of abuse and, too often, family denials and insensitive church leaders.

Thanks for what you’re doing!
Andrew

By: Just Be Real

Just Be Real — Fri, 07 Dec 2012 10:33:28 +0000

I so appreciate your transparency. Thank you for sharing. Safe hugs to you.

By: Lindsey

Lindsey — Mon, 03 Dec 2012 18:43:00 +0000

Yes Christina, I have forgiven him and do see him from time to time, but I live in another city so it is no more than 3 times a year. Nobody knows what happened between us, so there is some awkward moments. I don’t hug him when he or I leave, its something my family isn’t big on anyways. But even though I have forgiven, I will not forget. My children will never be left in his house without me there. Its something he has to live with too.

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Mon, 03 Dec 2012 18:28:28 +0000

Lindsey,
I can relate to the confusion over your dad’s reaction. Before I confronted my dad, I had a few dreams about being with him and his response to me. I so badly wanted him to just hold me and comfort me, but I couldn’t ever trust in his love. With the history of manipulation, how could I believe anything from him?

What happened after that? Do you still have a relationship with him?

Christina

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Mon, 03 Dec 2012 03:52:06 +0000

Irene,
I’m sorry that you could relate too. I’m glad you know you can vent here and we’ll listen. It’s really sad that so many of us can understand. Thanks for sharing your story.
Christina

By: Lindsey

Lindsey — Mon, 03 Dec 2012 03:37:12 +0000

I confronted my father just out of college. It was one of those moments in my life where I felt I was dreaming. My whole body seemed to go numb from emotion. The whole time I yelled, swore and demanded an answer to why, why? My father sat there and listened to every word, never interrupted me, then finally told me he was sorry. He held me to his chest and cried. I was in shock that I could bring him to tears, not knowing if he was truly sorry for what he did or that I brought something up that happened over 10 years ago. As for the abuse itself, my father bribed me with ice cream and candy in return for being able to touch me. Being 11 years old with my father’s hand down my pants was very confusing, felt very icky and good at the same time. I hate thinking about it more than anything, something I have to live with my whole life.

By: irene bouchard

irene bouchard — Thu, 29 Nov 2012 19:01:42 +0000

Hi Christina,
My husband of 20 years, who is so understanding just reminded me that I do get more sensitive around the holidays. I do not even celebrate them. Christmas at home was always a disaster. My father would be drunk Christmas eve, throw the tree down, after my Mom demanded he put the lights on. The mosestation from my Dad would take place the next day. I hated Christmases.
Around holiday times, I just want to isolate myself, perhaps, as a way to protect against more harm. Both my parents are dead, I’ve been through years of therapy, yet still there are triggers.
All of the stories here are so sad and have such a ring of truth for myself. Thanks for sharing everyone. I feel better knowing I have a place to vent.
I was so happy to hear that one survivor had a yen to tell because of the nephew and wanted to stop the cycle. Hooray. I love to things like this. I wonder how I too can help stop the cycle. My confrontation was years ago, yet somehow, I still want to do more to help others.
Irene