Comments on: Perpetuating the Abusive Cycle

By: Julie Anne

Julie Anne — Sat, 18 May 2013 11:33:40 +0000

I am relieved to know that this blog exists, and that the poster is willing to do it even under a real name. I myself did not have the courage to actually attach my real name to posts about abuse until the past month. The exception was of ones I was very vague about and not mentioning straight up that it’s sexual abuse that I’m talking about.

I myself have only been publishing posts about this subject in a more open manner. I was scared to do it, but this blog is an inspiration–just to know that other people are brave enough to speak out their stories. I shared here a similar situation. I’m struggling now because no one ever did anything about the abuse that was inflicted on me and lately my dad was complaining about “injustice” done to him by social services. Even if it was injustice, he has to remember all the times he did get off Scott free for things he’s done. (That’s what my link to the post included in the website field is about.)

I commend you for standing up for your daughter. I forgave my mom for not doing the same, but am right now wishing that something had been done before my sisters were born. I am going to share submit that story to this blog for consideration later.

By: BPH

BPH — Sat, 03 Nov 2012 05:49:34 +0000

Dear Christina,

I am pretty certain my son in law is sexually abusing my 2&4 year old granddaughters and wonder if you could give me any guidance on how to get them to tell me. They both have said things that raised all the red flags but clam up as soon as you ask any questions. The oldest is showing signs of serious post dramatic stress. She almost told me this week. She told me she had a secret to tell me. She came to whisper in my ear and started to cry said “i cant!” and ran off. I tried to talk to her and she was so tight lipped and litterally biting her bottom lip so much I was afraid she was going to bite through it! I can’t talk to my daughter because she is totally under this very controlling man. I need to get them to talk but it’s obvious they are terrified to do so. How can I ask without leading? How did your dad get you to keep it a secret? I feel if I can figure out how he is controlling them and keeping them from talking I could possibly find away to dispell that fear. It is hard to get the girls to go home when they are with us. They cry and beg to stay with us. It is killing my husband and I. We know if we file a compliant without more proof he will totally charm them and then promptly keep the girls from us. He will know where it came from!

I’m also curious how and when theses dads do this to young girls without mom’s knowing or catching them??
Any tips you could give me would be very much appreciated!

By: Asha

Asha — Tue, 25 Sep 2012 12:22:16 +0000

Dear Christina,

I was molested by my brother for about ten years (I think it started at age 8 to age 18-when I stopped it).

I told my mother and she asked me a few questions and that was the only time I discussed it until 25 years later when I had found out my younger sister had also been molested.

My birth family continues to live in the pretense that the sexual abuse never happened. I refuse that l continue to focus on healing myself from the grave wounds of my childhood.

It is really relieving to read about the experiences of survivors on your website.

Regards,

Asha

By: PS

PS — Tue, 25 Sep 2012 01:18:15 +0000

Gah! What is with some people?? I agree there is nothing wrong with exposing it – if anything it’s necessary to end the cycle. I’m tired of the whole “innocent until proven guilty” defense in naming abusers. How are they supposed to be brought to justice at all if we don’t name them first?

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Mon, 24 Sep 2012 22:22:17 +0000

Sean,
Welcome to OSA. I’m sorry you’ve experienced this type of abuse too. I’m glad you’re bringing it to light also!
Christina

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Mon, 24 Sep 2012 22:20:55 +0000

PS,
There have been some people who have told us we’re wrong for publicly exposing the church leaders (since we’ve named them) but there is NOTHING wrong with it. It’s wrong NOT to expose things like that when you know about it.
Christina

By: PS

PS — Mon, 24 Sep 2012 20:54:37 +0000

And I say good for you! They need to be exposed and do not deserve anyone’s protection. Period. We’re in a new century AND millennium. Time for change!

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Mon, 24 Sep 2012 17:22:08 +0000

PS,
I agree that the pastor’s advice is horrifying. That wasn’t the last time that church covered up abuse. We’ve heard of many other cases spanning a twenty year period. That’s one of the reasons my husband and I are speaking out about them.
Christina

By: Sean P.M.

Sean P.M. — Mon, 24 Sep 2012 14:08:36 +0000

Interesting article. It points out a well kept secret thats hidden among a lot of the religious circles. I’ve grown up in a similar enviroment and seen first hand the bible being used as a tool for manipulation and mind control. I’m writing a book based on an extensive system of ritualistic abuse and mind control. The best we can do is bring light to this darkness; the light of our love and attention. It’s shocking to see how many people shy away from these truths. We owe it to ourselves and our children to know these truths, face them, and the monsters that propogate this system of abuse and silence.

By: PS

PS — Mon, 24 Sep 2012 12:37:39 +0000

Your pastor’s “advice” is horrifying. I think there was a time where I would have swallowed that pill too – it’s astounding how much religion and spirituality tie in with abuse. I’ve come to believe spirituality is one of the most damaged and yet most under-addressed areas when it comes to the aftermath of abuse, especially when it’s used as a tool to further or justify abuse, and/or when the abuse IS spiritual/religious.

Just as I believe every pedophile/abusive priest or pastor should face legal consequences for their crimes, I also believe any pastor or priest who gives out such horrible counsel – and thus enabling continued abuse, because they have an opportunity and an obligation to stop it – should face consequences. Their knowing about it, but refusing to report it, makes them an accessory and defies the obligation they have as authority figures to turn the situation over to law officials.