Comments on: Profile of an Abusive Family

By: Don Enevoldsen

Don Enevoldsen — Wed, 08 May 2013 21:09:26 +0000

Good for you, Nic. It’s a difficult journey, but ultimately, your personal health is the most important thing, and that makes the trip worthwhile. Keep it up.

By: Nic

Nic — Sat, 04 May 2013 13:22:49 +0000

Thank you for this article. I’m currently in the process of accepting what happened in my household when I was a child and beginning to estrange myself from my toxic family.

By: Don Enevoldsen

Don Enevoldsen — Tue, 09 Apr 2013 22:14:51 +0000

Sanita, I wish this story was not so common. Unfortunately when anyone starts to talk about abusers, they discover that the highest priority in an abuser’s world is silence. And they will do almost anything to get you to just shut up. In our experience, it has meant everything from bribes to intimidation and threats. But the truth spoken is the best way to bring the realities of abuse to light and curtail its effects. It not only is a necessary and important part of the healing process (that is, acknowledging what was done and recognizing that it really did hurt you so that you can stop trying to hide the wounds and actually work on healing), but it also warns others that there is an abuser in their midst. The abuse system is so twisted that those being abused frequently defend the very system that is hurting them, but that is because they honestly can’t see any way that they can survive outside of the system. So they will do anything they can to avoid being kicked out. Constantly telling your story is the best way to eventually show them that there is life after abuse. Some will take that inspiration and make their escape. So stay strong. I love the quote from Anne Lamott: “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should’ve behaved better.”

By: Sanita

Sanita — Sun, 07 Apr 2013 15:31:34 +0000

Hi Don,

Thank you for this article it resonates and hits the nail on its head.

Makes me pyshically sick that my brothers and sisters choose to run around and protect both my parents. Even though they knew what they were capable of. He was a sick twisted violent drunk that terrorised us alongside her. Yet they all choose to run around and protect him as if he is the poor innocent party here.Somehow they all choose to forget this and pretend I am the story maker looking for attention.

Like my sister said to me, get over and sort out what you need to I dont want to know. You always were sad and depressed crying in the corner maybe now you can sort your life out. A family full of deniers and offenders.

What gets me and makes me soo angry is that having walked away and cuttting them out of my life. Looking at the family dynamics and seeing the paedophiles running rampant its the women who still protect them and stand in front of the men. I hate them from the bottom of my heart. May god have mercy on their souls. I have help and assistance from every corner around me helping me move forward. They have to keep all this inside of them eating away at their insides…. I hope their is a speical play in hell for all of them. Even now watching the “triangulation communication” happening in the family makes me laugh,playing out the “poor victim, mentality”..Im proud of how far I have come, all without any help from my so called pathetic family…..

I is not a system I choose to be a part of.
Many Thanks
Sanita

By: monica

monica — Tue, 12 Mar 2013 03:51:31 +0000

This sounds so much like my family….thank you for helping me not feel so alone or crazy!! After coming forward with our sexual abuse my sister and I are rejected by our parents, grandparents, siblings. Feel as though your letter was written to them!!
We all need to stand together and stand tall
Thank you!

By: Jane

Jane — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 21:58:11 +0000

Thanks. I guess I just needed to tell my story so others can be aware of the evil ones. And it’s painful that he can go on as if nothing happened & a lot of people don’t know who he really is behind his charm & good looks. Thanks for letting me tell the world. I found your site because I was browsing, looking for answers & your letter describes his very family. And you can’t tell just how wicked they are until you get away from them. Even his parents. I am moving forward, but it is definitely one day at a time.

By: Don Enevoldsen

Don Enevoldsen — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 19:22:10 +0000

Jane, thank you for sharing your painful story, especially the loss of your son. Reading that grieves me deeply. I pray that you will find healing and strength as you move forward. You are right that this can happen to anyone, and does happen far too often. You are in my prayers.

By: Jane

Jane — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 03:13:48 +0000

It was interesting to read your letter because I got involved accidentally with an abusive “Christian” family. I was married & had 3 wonderful boys & a non-abusive husband. The abusive “Christian” somehow convinced me to leave my family, which I deeply regret. He wanted a better wife & a cleaner home. I did marry him, but it always felt wrong. He wanted me for sex & married me while keeping everything the same for his original family ( he recently went back to them like nothing ever happened). But for me life around he & his abusive family was like hell on earth. He was abusive to my son resulting in him committing suicide at age 20. Then my abusive husband said his death didn’t even bother him. I found out after marrying him that my husband had a long term sexual relationship with his younger sister as teens. And he said they were both ” ok with it”. This is sick to me. The older sister mentioned that he was abusive to his first wife & kids, but then denied saying it when I tried to discuss it with both he & she. So now I have filed for divorce & he goes back to his family like nothing bad happened. They welcome him back like the prodigal son. I lost a child & they don’t even care. He had no consequences, but the minister I talk with said he will have to face God when he dies. Personally, I hope he burns in hell. Ps I have 6 years of college Ed & a professional job. This can happen to anyone.

By: Don Enevoldsen

Don Enevoldsen — Sun, 10 Feb 2013 22:24:49 +0000

Jackie, you are definitely not alone. I studied these profile characteristics because of my wife’s experience and the attempts by her parents to make her feel guilty for their bad behavior, but what really amazed me was how consistent these characteristics are. Abusers all pretty much act the same. Members of abusive families pretty much all act the same. Victims of abuse pretty much all have the same types of reactions as they try to cope. The whole story has been repeated over and over. So you are not alone. There are many who believe your story and who empathize with your pain. And there is definitely hope for your future.

By: Jackie D Silverstein

Jackie D Silverstein — Sat, 09 Feb 2013 04:26:05 +0000

I was having a rough moment when I made the decision to click on the website; it’s bookmarked for those moments when I feel like I cannot cope. Thank You. I know you were talking to your wife, but it was as if you were talking to me and describing my own family situation. I am not alone. I am not alone.