Comments on: The Truth About My Abuser’s Threats

By: Randi

Randi — Tue, 27 Nov 2012 13:07:57 +0000

“To those who abuse: the sin is yours, the crime is yours, and the shame is yours. To those who protect the perpertrators: blaming the victims only masks the evil within, making you as guilty as those who abuse. Stand up for the innocent or go down with the rest.”
? Flora Jessop

Love this quote. Its so true!!!

By: Kris

Kris — Fri, 19 Oct 2012 23:25:08 +0000

Hi I was searching the web for some answers on how to deal with the denal of abuse and came across your site.A little back ground,I am 40 years old,I have one grown daughter and 2 awesome grandsons.But I have been living with this thorn in my side of being sexually abused by my step father for over 2 years,on a regular base.It started when I was 12.When I was 14 I told my mother and all hell broke loose.She blamed me but still left him but also left me.So I ened up in a foster home until my blood father was located in Canada and I moved here.So about a year ago I came across his new wife(of a few yrs) on facebook through a mutural friend.There was pics of him on there and it effected me in a bad way.The nightmares started back and things like that.I started reading self help healing books and sites.I came to the understanding I had to express forgiveness to him in order for me to move on.This anger was killing me.But I didnt want to hurt his new wife because she didnt have anything to do with it.So I wrote her(I didnt have anyway to contact him alone) and told her her husband adopted me in the 80′s but we dont have contact can she please tell him I am doing well and wish him well.It was my way of saying I am healing and I forgive you.But what I got was a letter back saying I had a lot of nerve contacting him after my lies that he molested me and he is bothered that I would even try after all I did.I am so upset I dont even know what to do.i feel like a victim all over again.

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 17:17:19 +0000

Bipolar Bear,
That’s wonderful that you’re persevering through your healing even though it’s not easy. You deserve the clearheadedness and peace that you seek.

I agree that revenge isn’t the answer. It’s powering over someone else, which is abuse and I don’t want any part of the abusive system. It certainly doesn’t add anything to healing. I’m all for seeking justice, but even that can’t do the healing work that we need. I saw that when my ex-husband was sentenced to 15 years in prison. It was good to know he can’t hurt anyone else for that period of time, but it’s not really justice. He deserved a lot more and it doesn’t give back what he took. Only healing can do that.

Thank you for your comment and I’m glad you’re a part of our community!
Christina

By: Bipolar Bear

Bipolar Bear — Wed, 10 Oct 2012 00:04:00 +0000

I’ve read some of your posts before. This post of yours is linked in the post “Breaking Through the Fear of Speaking About Child Abuse by Kylie Devi” on the Emerging from Broken site. In turn that post was linked within “When Mental Health Providers are not Helpful by Kylie Devi” on the same site.
These posts are so helpful to me. Breaking down what the abusers say here deeply touches me more than a counseling session ever could. It is comforting to find that these abusers are known and that their modus operandi are being publicly exposed and dissected. Not because I want revenge. I want no part of the cruelty that is involved in someone thinking that that kind of behavior is permissible or normal. I do want to heal myself. For like the first article I have sought “help” enough to know that the mental health machine is about business and I’ve been told basically that I have to develop my own program and I am responsible for knowing what to do to heal myself.
These articles are making it much easier for me to recover any love I have for myself. They haven’t given me confidence yet but the tools and rapport support me whenever I want to read them. Maybe someday I can attain some hold on clearheadedness. I would like some inner peace for once.

By: Bobby

Bobby — Wed, 12 Sep 2012 03:03:56 +0000

Very powerful post! I came across this Overcoming Sexual Abuse while finishing up on writing Beautiful But Broken. The back cover of the book reads:

A glimpse in the mirror hardly tells her story. Though things appear normal on the outside there is a war raging on the inside. A war caused by abuse: sexually, physically and emotionally. This war has manifested itself through the insecurities she now faces. It has all taken its toll; where does she turn? Everywhere she turns others try to tell her who she should be from magazines to television shows, music and even those in whom she holds dear to her. She has carried this burden long enough! In an attempt to keep from hurting she builds walls to protect herself from further hurt only to realize that the walls she built to protect herself is now the prison that keeps her bound. She is “Beautiful But Broken.”

You have a very powerful testimony and the courage it took to come forward is very inspirational. Thank you for sharing!

By: hfrtyjk

hfrtyjk — Sat, 25 Aug 2012 21:16:37 +0000

I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your story . I’m so glad I found this site I just feel a little better I guess knowing there are other people who have been hurt by family members . I was taken away from my mother when I was 6 due to her beating me and just plainly being a psycho , the court placed me with my dad’s older brother and his family . At first it was ok and I kind of liked it there because he had two daughters and I was an only child and it gave me playmates. Then he started coming into my room at night to “tuck me in” which meant doing weird things like rubbing my legs or my back and telling me how worthless I was, then somehow it led to him having me to touch , lick or do things to him and would always talk about how bad I was at it… which I feel the most ashamed of I think . Then after a while the that didn’t quite satisfy him I guess and he started doing worse things like rubbing himself on my privates and then actually putting part of it in me …… and would always say I was disgusting and that I enjoyed it and that he knew I liked it . Which thinking back on it , maybe I did ? I mean I never told anyone what was happening and it went on for some time, I obviously didn’t go for help when I could have . What does that say about me !? I really didn’t think it would do any good to tell because nobody ever believed me , I never mattered and I definitely wasn’t ever loved . He made me believe that what he was doing to me was Love ……and I really believed that he was the only person who did and ever would or could love me . It’s Sick . Repulsive. Disgusting. Shameful.
I don’t know how to deal with my guilt . I hate myself honestly .
I’m 20 now and married to the guy I ‘ lost my virginity ‘ to …If you can even call it that ?
He’s so great and I know now what Love really is and how it should be . We recently had a baby girl ,I Love her more than I ever knew I could love . I know her dad loves me and thinks I look good or whatever and wants to be with me but for some reason I have never been able to let myself or make myself believe all the things he thinks about me . To me , I have always been I guess.. scum , nothing , a burden I suppose . And I have never learned to be ” Happy ” , I have all I could ever want and I’m never happy and I really want to be and I don’t want to hate myself , I want to see what my husband sees or at least says he sees . All I see is fat and stretch marks from having our baby .
I want to love myself like he and my daughter love me. How can I do that ?

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Tue, 14 Aug 2012 01:14:18 +0000

Irene,
Welcome to OSA! Yes, I work with fellow advocates. You’re welcome to contact me through the contact form on this site to let me know what you have in mind.
Christina

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Tue, 14 Aug 2012 01:12:26 +0000

Cristine,
Yes, that fact that she signed it “Your mother” disgusted me too. Actually, the next blog post that I’m working on addresses that. My response to her was that if she wanted the honor of that title, she needed to act honorably. Thanks for your comment!
Christina

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Tue, 14 Aug 2012 01:08:59 +0000

Deb,
I can SO relate to the struggle of that decision to stay or to go. I considered marriage to be a lifelong commitment also and took a certain pride in sticking it out, no matter the cost. I recognize that there was a lot of self punishment in that like “you made your bed, now lie in it.” I stayed three more years after I knew how miserable I was, so I know it’s not an easy decision. I hope you know you deserve life, not just a life sentence.
Christina

By: irene bouchard

irene bouchard — Mon, 13 Aug 2012 22:35:54 +0000

Loved your posts and facebook page. I am a social worker and would like to know if you do any training for facilitators or speakers.
I will be posting your site on my blog.
Thanks
Irene