Comments on: What We Wish Our Parents Understood About Our Sexual Abuse

By: Anoneemos

Anoneemos — Sat, 16 Mar 2013 10:21:30 +0000

What morally reprehensible pieces of shit these awful excuses for family are, I’m appalled at the lack of more angry responses on here, so I wish to stick up for these people and say what we’re all thinking. These scumbag, sub-human facilitators of rape, abuse, and molestation need to be locked up for eternity, where maybe they’ll learn what these horrid experiences are really like firsthand, seeing as they seemingly have no sympathy or even empathy for others regarding such disgustingly inhuman actions. Just in case anyone thinks I don’t personally understand this, believe that I definitely do, but don’t currently wish to share my past traumas. Its so hard sometimes, trying to go about life with a facade of normalcy, while this past event eats away at you on the inside, and you may try and pretend to not notice, but it is ever present in the back of one’s mind, creeping in to fill the void when there is no other thought in your head to keep you preoccupied from these sufferings. And you wonder, while maybe not physical, what the extent of these damages are that have been done to your mind and soul, and if they will ever truly, fully heal.

By: Liz

Liz — Sat, 19 Jan 2013 17:02:16 +0000

I have been looking for other stories similar to mine. Thank you for your strength and willingness to share.

By: Diane

Diane — Sun, 30 Dec 2012 17:30:49 +0000

When I was 10 years old my uncle,who was living with us at the time,began sexually molesting me.My father was in the military and worked overnight.My mother also worked at nights so my uncle watched me and my brother. One day he started touching me while my mother was in the house. I ran upstairs and told her what he had been doing. She confronted but she also told him to leave before my father got home. She didn’t want my father to hurt him. She protected my uncle instead of protecting me. Then it was never talked about and just swept under the rug.
As I grew up and was planning my wedding,my mother wanted me o invite my uncle. She thought I “should have been over it” and forgiven him. I refused and we had quite a few arguments about it until she said she would not pay for my wedding and she would not be there to see me get married. Finally my father said to let my uncle show up and he would have his opportunity to beat him to a pulp. She dropped it after that. She did tell me that she blames me for the abuse,I was asking for it,I wanted it to happen. I was 10 years old still playing house and playing with dolls. What did I know about sex? Why would I want something so disgusting as an old man kissing me and touching me?
I’m 54 years old now,I have no relationship with my mother yet I crave her acceptance,which I know will never happen. My counselor has told me that I need to confront her but I can’t. I’m so afraid because I know she will deny placing the blame on me and we’ll just get into a huge battle.

I found it’s so much easier to be alone in this world,to not try to count on anyone for anything. I was never allowed a voice while I was growing up. It was always my parents rules,their house and if I didn’t like then I could get out. I got out of my mothers life.

By: Amber

Amber — Wed, 12 Dec 2012 20:22:22 +0000

Hi,

my family never tried to understand the effects of my sexual abuse when I was in my early twenties. Their lack of empathy, understanding and care and the fact to just ignore all of what has happened to me and their lack of time has been very difficult to deal with. I have been suicidal since I was a kid and have been dealing with depression for 15 years and taking antidepressants for 13 years. None of them took the time to even to read some about my sexual abuse or about my depression. I live in an undeveloped country where there are no good therapists. I relate to the story called: “Don’t Tell Me To Get Over It.” It would have meant the world for me to have my family to support me too. The sexual abuse not only did a lot of damage to me but it took me away my family with it.

By: Anne

Anne — Mon, 10 Dec 2012 07:52:34 +0000

to clarify the above: i have full legal and physical custody. His court case against me seeks custody. It seems insane. Frightenly though, i did keep him away for a month, which the court wont like, but he did not demand or ask more than once. I just told him a court should decided (then, after several complications, didnt file). How did i end up with so little power here as the primary protectorate of an preschooler?

By: Anne

Anne — Mon, 10 Dec 2012 07:47:30 +0000

My three year old disclosed abuse to me 5 weeks ago. She reported that it was her father, who was removed from our home for domestic violence. It came up one year ago when she was less verbal. I went through all the legal channels but she did not disclose to anyone else. He began demanding to see her again using an out of date visitation court order and threatening police action. He is also saying i made a false allegation and trying to get custody (i have been advised that this is unlikely, but also that the judge hearing it thinks that women falsely alledge all the time in custody disputes). I am scared as hell and really confused- or more accurately, disempowered. Dealing with the legal side has drained me and left me little extra to attend to her with. I did ask her many times “are you sure?” “is this real?” which i am horrified to realize now undermines her. There is no evidence but her story remains the same. I would like feedback if you have any.

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Mon, 03 Dec 2012 03:45:03 +0000

Anonymous,
Thank you for sharing your story. Wow, that’s so painful to be treated that way by your own mother! I can understand feeling more damage from her response than from the sexual abuse. Both are so awful. I hope that you do find healing.

Hugs,
Christina

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Mon, 03 Dec 2012 03:38:34 +0000

Anonymous,
I’m so sorry that your friend is in such a painful position. When my daughter and I reported her abuse, we talked with the Center Against Family Violence in the city where the abuse occurred. That’s not something that every city has, but if you call the police dept, they should be able to tell you who you need to talk with. I’m not sure if anything legally can be done, but the support that you are giving her is so important.
Christina

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 02 Dec 2012 00:09:59 +0000

I’m hoping to get some advice from this. A few days ago I found out that my friends has been sexually and physically abused since she was five and we are now 15, she told her parents last year and they don’t believe her. When she was little her dad had custody of her because her mother was unstable, then when she was three her mother tried to kid nap her. She always believed that her step mom was her bio mom because she had blocked out the memory of being kidnapped. Now that she knows her stepmom isn’t her bio mom they think she wants their attention. She lives with her stepmom, father, 2 year old sister, and four year old brother. Her abuser was her faters fater, her grandfather. He would tell her that if she told anyone he would do the Same thing to her siblings that he did to her. Recently when she told her mom and dad they said she wanted attention because of her trying to figure out about her bio mom and her childhood. They went to court because (it’s unclear to me) the police became involved. In court her entire family testified against her and said that she was a liar. Now nothing is being done and every day she fears for her life because her grandfather is still out there and can see her at anytime. I want to help but I don’t know what to do other then be there for her, is there any way me and her could somehow get him arrested or anything without an adult? Help! What do I do ?

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Fri, 30 Nov 2012 09:28:21 +0000

I was around 9 or 10 when it started and continued for the next few years. I keep having blackouts when i try to recall, can’t remember much. My uncle (Mother’s brother) used to stay with us. During the night he often used to come into my room, I have vague memory of him on top of me doing something, often i used to get up in the morning, my clothes, underwear taken off, my body conveniently covered with a blanket. It kept on happening for so long and growing up in a muslim country I had no clue as to what was actually happening to me since these are things that were never ever talked about in families or tv channels in our country. I felt sick every morning, i just wanted to throw up and peel the skin off of my body. When i finally gathered the courage to tell my mom she told me she will slap me across the face and throw me out of the house if i mention this to anyone, that i was stupid and selfish and that i was disgusting for making up such lies.

Those words just broke something inside of me and i swear nothing in this world can fix that. Its been over 10 years and my mom still invites her brother over, often times i am kicked out of my room so that her brother, that piece of absolute shit, can sleep on my bed. He enjoys the power he has over me still, he smirks when he sees me and often calls up and doesn’t say anything but breathes heavily on the phone.

The abuse didn’t manage to damage me as much as what my own mother did to me. And some things in life cannot be fixed and this is just one of them.