Comments on: Dealing With Triggers of Abuse

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Thu, 04 Oct 2012 17:29:09 +0000

Joan,
Yes, hearing about your uncle’s victims would be considered a trigger. Actually, that’s a very common one. I used to be unable to feel anything about my own abuse, but I’d have a strong reaction to hearing news stories about other survivors of abuse. I wasn’t able to tap into my own pain, but I could acknowledge theirs. When I understood that the feelings that I was having for them were the buried feelings I had for myself, I could begin to tend to my own needs.
Christina

By: joan

joan — Thu, 27 Sep 2012 22:44:32 +0000

I have been working on sexual abuse for years. Just when I think it is all out of me…something seems to bring me back to that little girl who was abused. Recently I just found out that my uncle who was extremely close to our family growing up, is a pediatrician and volunteered in the Boy Scouts of Acamdemy is in a sex scandal for a cover up of him sexually abusing children. I don’t know why this sent me back into an emotional mess but I somehow feel that he could be an indirect reason why I was sexually abused and I can’t help but feel for all of his victims!. Is this what a trigger is? and how do I handle this? I am back to thinking about the abuse and now him all the time and have anxiety in me and cry alot again. I can still get through my day and keep telling myself this didn’t happen to you , but the anxiety still seems to be present. I just want to be normal!

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Sat, 22 Sep 2012 21:00:40 +0000

Ashley,
I didn’t want to leave my house when I was just facing that stuff either. I needed my safe place to deal with such horrifying things and going outside didn’t feel safe at all. Some days, I didn’t leave my bed and I just moaned and rocked myself a lot since I had a hard time crying.

I slowly got better as I let the healing process do its thing. As I learned to comfort myself and work through those memories and feelings, those dark times didn’t last as long.
Gentle hugs,
Christina

By: Ashley

Ashley — Tue, 11 Sep 2012 06:06:00 +0000

Thank you for your offer, Ashley, but I actually live in Michigan. I had a bit of a better day today-I actually went out and got the mail, which was stuffed full! I also ate half a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and drank a glass of chocolate silk. I appreciate your outreach more than I can express…you are so sweet. An abundance of blessings on you, sweet one. XOXO, Ashley

By: Ashley

Ashley — Tue, 11 Sep 2012 02:07:11 +0000

If you live in Texas then I will come over and help you outside, u just have to force yourself past the comfort zone and go get help, ask a trusted find or find ur strength in the lord.

By: Ashley

Ashley — Mon, 10 Sep 2012 06:50:02 +0000

I finally told someone of my past sexual abuse (spanning from age 4 to 18), and I feel like I want to talk about it, yet I also am terrified to talk about it out loud. It’s like I can pretend it didn’t happen if I don’t talk about it. How do I wrap my mind around this and actually seek the help I need. I haven’t been able to leave my house for a week. I haven’t eaten in days. I can’t sleep without waking up screaming and drenched in sweat. I know I need help for this issue, but I keep running away from the door! Help me!

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Sun, 15 Jul 2012 20:14:53 +0000

Becky,
I can understand not wanting to jump into the healing process. It’s hard work and often interrupts life as usual. The reason I chose healing wasn’t because I couldn’t cope well with life or that the pain or effects were overwhelming. I chose healing because I want to be as healthy as I can possibly be. I suffered enough during my childhood and into my adulthood and I knew I deserved better. I can only tell you that my life and relationships are completely different now. I didn’t know all the places that were broken and dead until life flooded in. It’s SO worth it to me to heal.

The timing for the process (even if it’s never) is such a personal one, so only you know if that’s what you want right now. What brought you here in the first place? There must have been something that you were looking for? One of the ways to know what you have to gain from the healing process is to look through the list of many of the effects of abuse: http://overcomingsexualabuse.com/2010/02/13/possible-indicators-of-sexual-abuse/
Christina

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Sun, 15 Jul 2012 19:15:16 +0000

Karen,
I hope you can embrace your inner child, too. She deserves the love and nurturing only you can give her.
Christina

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Sun, 15 Jul 2012 19:10:36 +0000

Ashley,
Have you heard of the book, “Allies in Healing”? It’s a great resource for loved ones of abuse survivors to help them understand and to know how they can support us.
Christina

By: Becky

Becky — Wed, 11 Jul 2012 00:15:31 +0000

This is a beautiful post and very well written. I can relate to that thrill of watching horror movies- which I still love. The terror from the films has always resonated with me to, though I don’t think I ever realized that that was the reason why I was so drawn to the films until I read this post. I think horror movies almost aided in allowing me to put my own painful experiences in the back of my mind because I felt that what I watched was so much worse and scarier than what was happening to me. It allowed me to think that things weren’t really so bad for me – look at what the girl in the horror film has to deal with!

I guess I haven’t really started this “healing process” that everyone keeps referring to. I try as hard as I can not to think or remember the bad memories and I haven’t spoken about them to anyone. My mom sent me to a therapist a few times to talk about physical violence she know I was exposed to, but I didn’t like going and I couldn’t even bring myself to mention anything else to the therapist. There are some things I haven’t even admitted to myself. Before I found this blog I really didn’t think about the things I went through. I guess when it comes to this “healing” stuff, I don’t know where to start- or if I even really want to start.

I experience triggers sometimes from unexpected harmless touches sometimes and it will make me so scared and sick to my stomach. It’s so embarrassing sobbing and then apologizing to a doctor for my “nervous reaction” to his feeling my throat. For a moment, I was totally convinced that he was really trying to hurt me… The triggers don’t happen that often but when they do the fear and anxiety is unbearable and I would love for that to go away, but I’m afraid that things will get worse before they get better and I have to admit that I still feel much more comfortable keeping this secret that I’ve kept since I was a kid than speaking about it. I keep reading things here that say “it’s okay” to open up, but part of me, not just the child part, but the 19-year-old adult part says it’s just a bad idea- that thinking of bad memories will make me bitter with sadness and regret and stick me in the past. If I talk about being a victim it will make me feel like a victim. Because, besides the triggers I sometimes run into, I don’t feel like a victim and I take pride in that. I am doing well in an ivy league school, and I am outgoing, and, with the exception of my own experiences with abuse, I am outspoken about things that trouble me and matter to me. I don’t want to regress and “become” a victim if I can sort of make myself believe that I’m not. Am I wrong? I guess part of me wants someone to tell me that I am wrong so that I can justify releasing these emotions and memories that have been locked away for so long. But I also wish I could skip all that and just be “healed.” Is that possible?

Even this is uncomfortable. I can’t believe that I’m actually going to be posting this on the internet. I’ve been reading this blog for months but have not been able to bring myself to write a comment. Writing something down feels sort of empowering and extremely frightening at the same time and I can only imagine how terrible I would feel saying what I’m thinking (and not even writing) out loud. If my heart is racing so quickly just typing this, then I imagine that it’ll stop beating entirely for admitting what happened to me out loud. Part of me, what you might call the “child’s voice” is kicking myself for responding to this blog, telling me that I’ll be found out, telling me that I’m a liar, telling me that I’m really going to regret this, and part of me is saying that I need to do something. I need to start somewhere.

In a way this blog is kind of like watching horror movies. I read the posts and part of me kind of reduces or justifies what I went through – I’ll tell myself that my life is really great and I’m so lucky because some people have had it way worse than me. At the same time this website is forcing me to acknowledge my own buried feelings. I haven’t really decided if that’s good or bad yet, or how I’m going to deal with it.