Comments on: Domestic Violence: The Signs I Missed

By: Patty Hite

Patty Hite — Tue, 17 Jul 2012 01:42:36 +0000

Hello Kerin,

I’m glad my blog spoke to you and you are able to recognize abuse. ((hug)) Patty

By: kerin

kerin — Fri, 13 Jul 2012 09:10:33 +0000

hiiiii pty…

thanxxxx alot nw i can rcgnize my boyfrnd as a abuser n ol dis hppn just coz of ur expiencd viws points….n now i tell him dat i dnt lyk ol dis

By: Patty Hite

Patty Hite — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 17:54:46 +0000

Kathy K,

I can’t tell you how many times I questioned myself. “How did I wind up in this?” Even tho I found the root to the false belief system I was raised in, I had to also change myself and my way of thinking. Actually, my way of loving and trusting. I know longer trust with just my heart, I trust with my head. I listen, watch and keep focused. My late husband used to say, ” It doesn’t cost anything, to pay attention, but it can cost a lot when we don’t.” That s my new philosophy on life.

thank you so much for sharing, and all the best and a wonderful Christmas to you as well.

By: Kathy K.

Kathy K. — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 16:54:15 +0000

Patty,

I just happened on your blog through facebook and I wanted to say that I admire you tremendously! Most people couldn’t even imagine going through what you and others who have endured.

Many, many years ago I was in a relationship with a classic abuser (had known him several before we ever dated) who emotionally abused me for nearly two years. His jealously included my daughters and the time I spent with them versus with him. Heaven for bid if I was 20 minutes late from going to the grocery store even if I had my daughters with me! Emotional abuse gravitated into physically abuse and in the end I felt the pain of the bruises he presented me. Enough was enough … and I literally, told him to take a hike thanks to Mutual Grounds and their support.

I’ve ALWAYS been a extremely independent strong person and never imagined “myself” in an abusive relationship. I was then in my mid 40′s and even now after nearly ten years I still have a tendency to second guess my relationships with men and have some trust issues. My point is that abusive behavior can stick with a person for many years through emotional mistrust. My biggest “issue” was forgiving myself for being so gullible even though I also know I couldn’t have known. Love can be blind at times.

Take care and I wish you and your followers a wonderful Christmas!

By: Patty Hite

Patty Hite — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 12:57:48 +0000

Kerry,

I am so sorry for all that you endured as a child. And the thought of having to pay anyone, more or less your father, to walk you down the isle had to have been so demeaning to you.

I’m so glad that you are making right choices concerning your life and not allowing your past to control your present. None of us are perfect, but you sound as though you are squashing the lies and false beliefs you grew up with. And that is a very good thing.

Thank you for sharing and here’s a hug right back at ya. ((hug)) Patty

By: Kerry

Kerry — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 21:12:48 +0000

When I was a little girl I remember my Mom running through the house covered in blood, I was 3, I remember that to this day as if it were yesterday. As the years went on I was subjected to that and so much more, sexually abused by my parents and beaten so many times. My Dad even offered me as a young child of 9 to his friends to abuse Many years later, Nothing hurt me as much as paying my father to walk me down the aisle to give me away to my husband, yes, I had to pay him to do that for me. That shattered my heart. I read your post and cried, it is so wrong to make people hurt like this, but in the end, it has taught me to be kind, to love people more, to not be the parent mine were, to respect, honor and cherish everyone you love. I am certainly not a perfect person, but I love so much stronger for the abuse I endured. My heart hurts every time I read things like this, I know It says that you are happy now and I am too, 24 years to the best man in this world But I also know in your heart it hurts sometimes and although it is only a virtual hug, I am sending one to you

By: Patty Hite

Patty Hite — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 12:51:10 +0000

Andy,

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I’m so sorry that you and your mother endured such terrible abuse. I’m glad that you are both safe now.

I hope that both of our stories, speaks to others and helps them to understand that there is hope and they are valuable. That no one deserves to be abused in any way. And yes, the laws are getting better and there is much more help out there. But, it’s knowing that we don’t deserve it, that has to speak to us first before we will take the steps to escape it. Bless you both, patty

By: andy

andy — Mon, 19 Dec 2011 21:20:15 +0000

Patty,
this struck so many nerves. I was a victim of childhood abuse. Not sexually but mental and physical. However my mom was all the above and sexual abuse as well. All that you talked about is how my mom explained it to be …..how I learned it to be as well. I can remember as a young child, maybe 6 or so, I could hear something going on across the hall of my room so I left my room after my daddy had told me not to. as I entered the bathroom, there my mom was …leaning over the toilet with her nose pouring blood and daddy having her by her hair with the most evil look on his face. He screamed for me to go back into my room. All I could do was go and pray for her….pray that he wouldn’t hurt her anymore. When I was 8 she came to school one day and picked me up…after that we fled to virginia along with her cousin, she had finally had enough and knew we had to go far to get away from him. I was miserable….although I didn’t want mama to suffer, I was missing my grandparents (my dad’s mom and dad) so badly as they were the only non violent stable people in my life at that time. I knew that at their house, there would be no abuse. After being there around 8 weeks, one cold morning I looked out the window from my townhouse room and saw a black ford truck. This was January 1978. I knew it was him because of the brand cigarettes that were on the dash. I immediately thought “he’s found us and he’s gonna hurt my mama”. I ran down stairs only to see him crying at mama’s feet, begging her to come home with him. I said, “please don’t hurt her”. He hugged me and cried. Of course we left with him and he was wonderful for about two/ maybe three years and it all started again. When I was 12 he beat my mama unmercifully. I threatened to call the sheriff as the laws were getting a tad stricter on domestic violence but he beat me too. He said he would kill us both and put us where no one could find us. I am an only child…..I’m so thankful I never had any siblings to suffer thru what I did. Now, there were good times, but I think the bad out weighed the good. I sought refuge with my grandparents. They knew what went on but again, back then you just didn’t get involved in other’s personal affairs. As this abuse was off and on, at the age of 20 I told him if he ever hit me or mama again, I’d see to it that he was put away. He cussed, drew back his fist…I told him to do it…HIT me and see where it got him. I was married at the time but my husband was at work. He tried to control me until the day he died (I was 34 when he passed away). I prayed and prayed for my mama to find peace in her life as she was abused as a child too. I knew that the only way she would be able to live was if daddy died. I didn’t pray for his death, only my mom’s well being. In sept 2000 daddy had a heart attack. He survived but needed a defibrillator to keep him from going into full arrest. As he had igorned his type 2 diabetes and rarely ate right and smoked, drank all his life…he has basically killed him self. His heart was enlarged and the dr’s gave him less than a year (but he survived 3 yrs). It was then that he got some better with his disposition but was still a controlling selfish man. My daddy loved my oldest son, his first grandson….and he only got to spend 13 months with my 2nd son from a new marriage. On oct 22nd 2003 he drove home went inside to take his medication…he called mama and said he felt funny for her to come home….after getting there, she found him on the floor of the kitchen, already passed away with the defibrillator still ticking away trying to resart his heart. He was only 57 when he passed and mama was 55 at the time. Although there were times mama and I both hated him….we took his passing very hard, but at the same time we both felt ‘relief’. He didn’t suffer much and wasn’t a burden to mama with sickness as he was working up till the day he died. My oldest son was 12 when daddy died. He doesn’t know how he was ….or the ‘details’. I sheltered that from him and made him out to be a better man than he was due to shame. My mama is happy and has been for a while…she has a boyfriend, one who loves her, helps her and never speaks an ill word to her. If he did, he’d be kicked to the curve, . I have had my daddy’s temper show in me a few times thru the years but physical abuse….mental abuse I suffer and I have more of my mother’s traits, thank goodness…, I am recovering everyday along with my mama but we will always have scars, they will never go away.
I’m going to let my mama read this article. She knows the pain from this. I don’t know how to explain people (mostly men) who think they can treat a woman this way. I think there has to be something mentally wrong with them. I believe my daddy was a manic depressant and I do believe he was bi polar. You could have never told him this as he was convinced he knew it all and WAS it all and then some…everyone else had the problems, not him. He was twice the devil when he drank. He was invincible or he thought….but we are all helpless when we do wrong and the Good Lord above decided He’s had enough. All his abuse and meaness got him no where here on this earth. He lost my respect and my mama’s along with most of our community as everyone saw him as a bully. BUT none the less,….this time of year regardless of how he was, I still try to find fond memories of him. although few and far between, I do have a few.
God Bless you Patty and may your words be a blessing and help to others that suffer this abuse. ZERO tolerance for this. I know there are stricter laws now but I hope it’s enough to save lives.

Andy R~ GEORGIA

By: Patty Hite

Patty Hite — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 12:00:45 +0000

Sylvia,

I’m so glad that you are being awakened to your value. To even recognize it is a powerful step. Good for you. It’s crazy how people’s behavior can say so much. I used to take it at face value. But, healing has helped me to see the under current of behavior. I am a firm believer that the more someone talks, the more they show their true colors. They expose themselves and the meaning behind their actions and words. keep listening!

thank you for sharing, Patty

By: Sylvia

Sylvia — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 02:05:54 +0000

My Mom always tells evil lies about me to everyone she runs into and when I confront her, she’d tell me, “playing the role of the mother, she has the right to say anything she likes. Even if she doesn’t say the truth, I have no right to object:. Over the years, she continues to isolate me from everyone I know, she even talks bad about me with my husband, my best friend even though she may just meet them for the first time. She never says, “being my mother”, just “playing the role of my mother!” When I got married, my husband also behaves like her, he got mad at me if I talk with my neighbors, or waive at people in the neighborhood. In the beginning I believed in his reason, that I don’t know people enough to waive at him because they may be dangerous and I may be misunderstood. Now I think that’s only to isolate me from everyone around me and make me look like I am a hateful and proud person.

Thank you Patty for exposing abusers’ behavior so that we can learn to recognize them and stay away from them. Abuse never happens over night but progresses through stages. I wish every one on earth be informed about this epidemic because knowledge is power.

Thank you for your post.