Comments on: The Secret About My Abuse I Was Too Ashamed To Tell

By: sylver

sylver — Wed, 15 May 2013 05:48:38 +0000

Im sorry to hear your story Charlene… Things happend to me too at a young age and some of the feeling you have, I have as well.. Would you be interested in talking about it between you and me? If so, i am as well.. I dont like putting everthing out in public on a forum but would love to have someone to talk to about things.

By: charlene

charlene — Wed, 03 Apr 2013 19:03:32 +0000

from the moment i first took my breath i was being abused, ill never know if that was sexually! but i was tide up in coats, and also had fag’s put out on my face! knees, and the back of my foot.. as the years went on i grew up only knowing the things that happened to me where normal! i was being sexually abused from the age of 5 from what i can remember, stripped and punched around then to the more serious stuff. ( for some reason im not able to call it what it is )
after a year of the sexual abusing it lead to rape, my mother was a drug user and also drank far to much, my father was in prison and my mother changed her boyfriends at least 4 times a year, and all of them managed to preform the same stuff on me i sometimes wonder if my mum had set them up to do so.. as i used to have two guys do it at once on me!.. going through all of that never once did i think it was wrong and even do this day i still find it hard to no how im ment to feel, i no its wrong but i always try to make excuses for it happening! and its been 12 years since it stopped!
at the age of 10 years old i cried out for help i tried to kill myself, and that only got me locked up in a cell for a week with doctors coming to test me for a mental illness, but i just couldn’t tell them the real reasons why so i lied and told them i was hearing voices! i wanted to be locked up from the world.. but was released a week later and back defending myself.. i ended up in children homes and the sexually abuse soon crept back up, but this time it was by children my own age or slightly older.. had i lead them on? had i acted the way i did for the men?.. i will never know!
years past and i became a wreck! i had chosen to sleep around.. by the time i was 15 years old i had willingly slept with 27 people! but never felt happy afterwards.. but felt as if it was something i needed to do!… i went from one violent relationship to another by the time i was 16 years old i got myself a flat, fell pregnant after being raped by my boyfriend at the time… which luckily i lost the child through another one of his acts! after that i tried so hard to pick myself up.. but started turning down the same path as my mother was on, i turnt to drugs and drink! which resulted in me risking my own life on a daily basis.. then in October 2012 i woke up to being raped and had finally spoke out.. went to the police and took it to court only for the man to walk free! he had even admitted over text.. since then ive been a mess i finally found courage and hope that someone would help me but watching the man walk free took me back to rock bottom… and i feel as if i deserve everything that had happened to me. although i know i shouldnt and ive been in tears everyday since.. forcing myself to sleep so my mind hasnt got chance to sleep !

By: Sylver

Sylver — Sun, 17 Feb 2013 01:49:59 +0000

Thank you so much Jennifer for your article. I was abused at 6 years old and have felt ashamed due to the feelings i had toward what happened. I can relate to sooo many of the above posts but there is still an issue i face even today that i am ashamed of even more. I feel like i should talk to someone about it but im not ready to go open with it in a post here.

By: Rhonda

Rhonda — Thu, 27 Dec 2012 08:01:14 +0000

Jennifer,
It terrifies me to be typing this for others to see but I feel that i have to say thank you for your article. After 34 years I have begun to delve into the sexual abuse from my past. I had no idea how it impacted everything in my life. I was in elementary school when I was first abused by my cousin. The memories were foggy at first and still are to some degree, but they are becoming clearer as I work through them with sound counsel. This abuse rolled into me being sexually abused into my teenage years by other guys. The hardest part was not, admitting the abuse, although that was extremely difficult, but admitting that my body responded with pleasure to the abuse. That was extremely confusing and humiliating to me. Your article, as well as the responses here, are helping me to understand this a little better. I have always thought that the abuse was my fault and still do to some degree. In my head I can say it wasn’t my fault but my emotions say something completely different. I know it is a process but I still struggle facing it.

By: Jennifer Stuck

Jennifer Stuck — Sat, 22 Dec 2012 04:08:14 +0000

Sam I’m glad you’ve taken the time to read this. The start of my healing was when a friend gave me a few articles to read about abuse and that really propelled me to start talking about it and facing the effects it had on my life. It’s nice to finally be able to talk and think about what was done to me without feeling shame. That shame belongs with my abusers, not me. I’m so thankful to all the other survivors who’ve paved the way for me to talk about these things, and I hope what I have shared here can help more survivors. I’m sure if you take a look around the site you will find more info that resonates with you.

By: Jennifer Stuck

Jennifer Stuck — Sat, 22 Dec 2012 02:28:29 +0000

Thanks Dawn Paul. I’m still so glad I opened up about this particular aspect of my abuse. When I was younger I thought I was the only one who responded to their abusers, and that was the biggest source of guilt that I carried. It was embarrassing for me to admit I was abused, but I was ashamed to admit I reacted to the abuse. Now though, I know it was a totally normal reaction. Just like I would feel a burn no matter who inflicted it, I felt sexual stimulus whether I wanted it or not. Your example of a nerve ending is perfect.

By: Sam wilson

Sam wilson — Tue, 20 Nov 2012 10:15:56 +0000

Hi Jen I’m glad I found this blog I was sexually abused by my stepdad when I was a child I’ve always blamed myself after reading your article I now realize none of it was my fault the same abuse happened to me what you went through my husband is very loving towards me & so patient we’ve had sex 10 times in 21yrs I had a lot of anger inside me it’s really good to know ppl are not alone ive never talked to anyone about my abuse as I felt ashamed & dirty I’ve been reading through your article I now feel free thank you for writing about yourself & publishing it I don’t know to this day if my stepdad is alive or dead but I do know one thing he’s not a man or a human being cause deep down I know he will never admit or say sorry for what he has done he took away my childhood

By: Dawn Paul

Dawn Paul — Wed, 14 Nov 2012 16:53:17 +0000

Hi, I just read your article and its great. I am a healer who specialises in sexual abuse in both men and women. The concern that you raise – about feeling ashamed that your body experienced pleasure – is an issue that arises time and again in my healing practice, from both men and women. What I try and explain to clients is this – a nerve ending is a nerve ending, it does what it is meant to do – which is respond to stimulus. It has no cut- off switch, no intelligence, as to whether the stimulus it is receiving originates from an appropriate source or not, it is just doing what it is designed to do. It is all part of having a normal and healthy body. It is a bit like a lightswitch, if you press it, the light comes on, if you press it again, the light goes off. The lightswitch does not decide who it is going to operate for, it just performs the function that it is designed to do. Abuse affects individuals on every level of their being, every level of their consciousness. But it CAN be healed on all of these levels, and led to great understanding and spiritual growth. It can be healed and a person can move on and live a rich, loving and fulfilled life. Well done for having the bravery to write such a great article. I am sure it will help many people.

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Thu, 04 Oct 2012 17:54:03 +0000

Nowonderland,
I think the same thing about my abuser–that my dad made it feel good as a way to control me and put the blame on me. I also felt the same self-loathing for a long time, which made me even more angry about what my dad to to me. He not only violated me, he made me turn against myself. It’s taken a long time to deal with that, but I have compassion for myself now and don’t blame myself at all. It was ALL him.
Christina

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Thu, 04 Oct 2012 17:47:33 +0000

Ali,
I agree that admitting to the abuse feeling good is harder than talking about the abuse. I thought I was really sick for liking it too. I’d even have to imagine being abused to respond at all to sex later in life. I thought that meant that I was a participant rather than a victim before I realized how common that was.
Christina