Comments on: I’m Re-gifting Christmas

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 23:42:49 +0000

Genesis,
I like your freedom rant! Good for you for standing up for what YOU want.
Christina

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 23:41:11 +0000

Mary,
I LOVE your angle on Christmas! That’s wonderful that acceptance has opened the door to new possibilities for you.
Christina

By: Genesis

Genesis — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 22:41:22 +0000

Christina, Thank you for sharing this. After I boycotted Thanksgiving entirely this year I’d personally like to do the same with Christmas. I feel as if I’m in a deep state of mourning but also realization is going on. There are so many emotions and memories to sort out and recatalogue. It’s actually okay to be completely alone on Christmas. It should be anyway. When people try to “encourage” me to spend time with others and be happy it angers me because it’s like my desires don’t matter. Just one year can’t I make my own decisions without all the guilt?? I think my appreciation turned into a rant for my own freedom. Funny how that happens. sigh.

By: mary

mary — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 20:45:42 +0000

I don’t feel sorrow or pain or anything for that matter. This past year I dealt with shock from the family for the last time. NC is easier the second time because I didn’t have expectations of my siblings, once Mom died it pretty much ended my relationship with them. They are in their own world and it seems they are more deluded and asleep and not likely to wake up. So I won’t beat myself up because I’m not leaping for joy about the hoildays, I am just going with the flow. This year is about letting go of what will never be and letting it sink in so there is no forgetting again. I can’t afford to allow their destructiveness to rule my life anymore.
My heart has had too many hits and I need to let it heal. When I look back at the chronic abuse it is any wonder I survived. When I came back to the family fold I was deathly ill and needed support and that is when they unleashed their total wickedness, kicking me in the teeth when I was down. Instead of offering help, they insulted and ridiculed as they always did. That heartlessness will stick with me forever, I will never forget. I can forgive so it doens’t destroy me. It doesn’t excuse them but they must be souless and very ill to treat another person, let alone a sister, in such a depraved manner. I know I couldn’t.
I am going to embrace my difference, what sets me apart from them and be glad of it. I am going to challenge myself to get out more and meet people that I have things in common with. Things are starting to open up for me and I am open to receive them. I have been reclusive for 10 years due to my illness and from emotional pain but to that I say enough. I have a right to live to the fullest and find contentment. Dropping the baggage, luggage and garbage is feeling lighter all the time.
Maybe I am feeling the Christmas thing after all, it is about the light that shone bright and led the sheperds. I am in an open field now with the stars above and able to go any direction I want. I am a sheperd willing to lead where life takes me. Every step further away from them is another step closer to finding me.
The new year is about progressing further and opening new doors of my choosing. Being free to be me and discovering new things about me. I broke their mirror they held up all to me all these years and see a happier image looking back. It can only get better now that I finally let go!

By: fellow passenger

fellow passenger — Sat, 15 Jan 2011 22:26:57 +0000

Hi Christina, I just read your respone, and I just worked ut how to upload a new topic. So, I will write my contribution soon, I’m a bit tired tonight, but am looking forward to sharing.

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Wed, 12 Jan 2011 19:44:50 +0000

Vicki,
I’m sorry for all the tragedy that you and people you love have experienced that make the holidays so hard. Your friend sounds like a remarkable person. He sounds like someone who looks at things much differently than most people do. It sounds like you’d like to be able to share your abuse history with him and I hope that you feel safe enough to do that at some point. You’ve both lived through trauma and it sounds like he’d understand.
Christina

By: Vicki

Vicki — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 02:43:33 +0000

Christmas has been different in our family since the event that took one of us, my daughter’s dad, out of the world on September 11, 2001.
My daughter has never celebrated another Christmas after the one we had in 2000. She was able to come to Thanksgiving dinner this year, but was in the hospital again for Christmas. Christmas was her dad’s favorite holiday [mine's Halloween] and she hasn’t been able to celebrate it.
I spent Christmas w/ someone who was also personally effected by what happened that day. He was a broker and worked in Tower 1, which he’s always called One World Trade Center, on the day the towers collapsed. He was burned severely over 80% of his upper body by direct flames from a fireball. Thirty of his co-workers never made it out alive.
He likes celebrating Christmas, b/c he’s still astounded that he’s alive, but he doesn’t make me do it. And he makes the remembrance of his co-workers, even those he didn’t always get along w/, part of his Thanksgiving and Christmas tradition. He lights a candle in their memories and still believes “none of them deserved to die that way, no matter WHAT they may or may not have been like.”
People have told him he deserved what he got, b/c he’s a money mogul and, they automatically assume that makes him a terrible person.
I hope I’ll get to spend next year w/ him, b/c he wasn’t always expecting me to be happy and put on airs. He personally CAN’T put on airs anymore. His face and neck are so obviously burned that most people choose not to associate w/ him. But he was never into putting on faces. He said he tells people if he wanted to put on a different face every day, he would have married Eleanor Rigby.
He’s funny too, I think so anyway, and he has a sense of humor about things I’d never be able to have wit about. Like when he said they turned him into the human torch.
I guess that’s how he handles it.
He’s helped me in ways I didn’t know were possible but, for some reason, I haven’t been able to tell him about the sexual abuse. It’s probably b/c the former guy I was w/ couldn’t handle it, even after TRYING to. I guess I’m concerned that this guy won’t be able to either.
In the former guy’s case, he really did try.

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 18:25:45 +0000

Fellow Passenger,
I got your email and tried responding, but the delivery failed. Some spam filters are set to reject anything with ‘sexual’ in the name, so that might be the problem. Anyway, here’s my response that I was trying to send you:
That would be fabulous if you want to share that on the discussions board. I was hoping that people would share what works for them. All of our journeys are so unique. Are you registered on there? Do you need any help posting it? I’m so glad you’re going to do that!

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 16:23:25 +0000

Fellow Passenger,
You are definitely not alone in the effects, your feelings or in your healing. I love this community of survivors for how supportive everyone is of each other. A breakthrough for one is reason for everyone to celebrate and on dark days, there are so many to gather round to encourage and comfort. If you’re on Facebook, the OSA page is extremely active and supportive.

I’m glad you asked about the past abuse and marriage. We have some blogs coming up where we’ll talk about that. In my case, I was apprehensive about telling my fiance (now husband) that my dad had sexually abused me because Don was friends with my dad and knew my dad long before he knew me. I didn’t know if he could accept that his friend, who was also someone who was well-respected in the community, could be a child molester. I knew I couldn’t keep that secret, so I took the plunge. He didn’t have any trouble believing me or supporting me in the process. He’s been my #1 supporter in all of this. Whatever type of relationship I chose to have with my dad, Don accepted. Something happened last week that really hit me how much I’ve been afraid of being accused of lying or being crazy and it helped me to face that fear. Now that I’m sure of my own reality and truth, it’s much easier to expect people to believe me, but it’s been a process. I’ll be writing about all of that and other aspects of the abuse/marriage relationship. I hope that gives you hope for finding someone who will believe you and support your healing. They do exist!
Christina

By: fellow passenger

fellow passenger — Sun, 02 Jan 2011 00:38:31 +0000

Hi Christina, Thank you for your words, and for this site – I find your approach very encouraging and useful for my own healing. I find my main problem is loneliness – sometimes it feels as f I am the only person who can understand this process, and the way you and the other posters share your experiences here have helped me a lot over the festive period. My therapist s great, but on holiday – so thank you again! p.s. I particular;y enjoyed your voice recordings – I appreciate the human element. Also, I am really interested to know how you handle the abuse and dysfunctional family relationships in your marraige – I fear I will never find a man who will trust my word against my family’s and who will support me. You and your daughter are very inspiring,!