Comments on: My Parents Are Dead (To Me)

By: Elizabeth Armstrong

Elizabeth Armstrong — Sat, 23 Feb 2013 21:10:05 +0000

I have not been on this site in a while. It helped me more than anyone could know…I have learned to be free in spirit but am still learning how to let go of anger. I may never let go but I will learn to manage it, and put it to good use somehow.
People say I am a strong person. I can take no credit. Its in all of those who have been put through the ringer and just try to cope every day….although it is seen as strength please don’t mistake it for pain. Strength is this site. Talking to and seeing what some people have done to others, and facing it,. Strength is knowing there is still a person inside the body that was so mistreated…..there is still a mind inside, even though it feels like its nuts. Strength is still being on your feet in the last round!!

By: Kate

Kate — Thu, 14 Feb 2013 20:08:18 +0000

First of all, good for you for protecting yourself and your daughter.

Secondly, this is why I just tell people my parents are dead. It blows my mind how many virtual strangers have demanded detailed accounts of the abuse I endure so they can decide if I am justified in cutting off my parents. I really don’t know who the hell they think they are but I don’t owe anyone that. I shouldn’t have to recount abuse to satisfy anyone and I won’t do it.

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Wed, 26 Dec 2012 02:03:08 +0000

Miz. T,
That’s so great that you’re keeping you and your children safe. There’s such a push to “keep the family together” in spite of the dangers that often come with that so I applaud anyone going against that cultural “rule”. Thanks for sharing that.

Christina

By: Miz. T,

Miz. T, — Tue, 25 Dec 2012 22:15:25 +0000

I “divorced” myself from my parents from the age of 16. My mother was mentally unfit for most of the years i knew her. She got pregnant at a very early age. They ‘encouraged” (forced) my parents to get married before my birth. (15 and 16, respectively.) My mother and father moved to NYC to finish high school and begin college, they left me with my grandmother. at age three I moved with my mother in NY. Her mental illness was not as obvious then but it soon became apparent that she was not well mentally. I lived with her and was abused until age 13. I was then sent to live with my father who and physically and sexually abused me. His wife also physically abused me. I ran away five months before I turned 16. They (the state) sent me back to my mother who at the time was living in a shelter and she wanted me to live with her and I refused. I started to walk away and she yanked my hooded sweatshirt and began to choke me and almost choked me into unconsciousness. Once I got free I promised that I would never be abused by her or anyone else ever again. I got a job and a room in a women home and finished high school as an emancipated minor. that was twenty-eight years ago and I never looked back. Reconciliation is not a part of my life path, I forgive and have moved on (years of therapy, and personal self-help work) but I cannot allow anyone that has abused me in the past to get a chance to do it again or hurt my children. Self-preservation is a very good thing.

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Wed, 16 May 2012 00:28:00 +0000

Janine,
I’m glad you feel the freedom to tell people whatever you feel comfortable with concerning your parents. I actually like it when people ask me about my parents since it’s an opportunity to talk about the issue of sexual abuse, but I’d feel fine doing so if that was what I felt I needed to do for my own comfort or well being. I don’t think we need anything else to make our lives more difficult.
Christina

By: Janine

Janine — Tue, 15 May 2012 11:45:05 +0000

I am also a therapist and have moved to the other side of the world to get away from my family, who sexually, physically and emotionally abused me, from childhood into adult hood. After my emigration to a totally different culture, I decided it was easier to say my parents are dead, than have to explain anything. I just don’t want to go there. They are dead to me, because they are dangerous, toxic people. I don’t see anything wrong with saying it. It’s a white lie- psychologically and emotionally were are estranged, due to the denial of my abuse, and requirement that I say nothing or be disowned. So I have been disowned and that’s fine. Even my siblings colluded with that rule set by my parents. So, now I am rebuilding my life and do not wish to acknoweldge their existence any more. It’s easier this way for everyone, and when they do die I won’t be contacted about it or invited to attend funerals, as I am blamed for every tiny thing that goes wrong in their lives still, even though I’ve lived thousands of miles away for the last 4 years, and have not seen anyone except my father for over ten years. I have no regreats about telling people ‘my parents are dead’. It’s a metaphor, and it’s my self protection from havng to deal with any more toxic fall out from the previous 40 years of my life.

By: Jenna

Jenna — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 22:24:57 +0000

Dear Linda,

After commenting on your dilema, I have been without power, internet, phone, etc for just over four days due to a severe ice storm here. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you how sorry I was to read of all you have endured in your lifetime. My heart hurts for all you have been forced to endure and overcome and I did not want to leave this tread without telling you these things after you opened up so much of your life to me, and to all who read here. I just wanted to say that I did not just skim all the horrendous details without feeling for you.

((((Linda)))

Much love.
Jen

By: Linda

Linda — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 22:06:32 +0000

I also wanted to thank Jenna and everyone else on this board that commented and helped me muddle through this. I have gotten more help here than from any therapist, self help group, doctor, minister or any one else that claims to be a specialist on this subject. No one can possibly know what all of us have been through unless they have been there, too. Unfortunately, most of us are too overwhelmed by all that has happened to help ourselves, much less be able to professionally help others. Those that can are few and far between and become overwhelmed themselves by the flood of clients.

Everyone here understands the ramifications of the damage done and the longlasting effects. If we can continue to help each other, perhaps there is hope yet that we may all survive and continue on until we have a better life.

I hope this website continues on into the future. The term “one day at a time” is so true and is the only way to be able to achieve any peace in our lives. Here I am able to get my daily “fix” so that I can have some peace of mind.

Thank you all and go with God,
Linda

By: Linda

Linda — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 14:32:37 +0000

Christina,
Thank you for listening. I so badly needed a sounding board. I don’t want everything to be about me, but right now, for my own sanity, I truly need to focus on my husband and my children and grandchildren. I have lost so much already.

Hugs and prayers,
Linda

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 05:05:10 +0000

Linda,
I’m glad you figured out what you need to do for your own well-being. Sounds like a great decision!
Christina