Thank you for sharing and for telling us how you were hurt as a child. I’m sorry you were hurt, but I am glad you are speaking out about it.
It took me many years to talk about my family because I was raised to honor them and respect them. it was so confusing for me because my mind said yes and my heart said no. Those feelings and false beliefs can still try to torment me at times, but the more I speak about it, the stronger I am and the doubts and the “bad child” go away.

If I could center my thoughts on my abuse only, I was able to remain in the denying stage about my family, but my healing only went so far. There were still so many questions I had and I was still filled with pain and confusion. I finally began reading other Survivor’s stories about their upbringing and I couldn’t hide it any longer. It was the best thing I did, because knowing the truth, has been freeing to me.

I want to encourage you to continue talking about it Chris…… and we can have that in common also. Survivor’s who are not afraid any more. They hurt us. They taught us things that were untrue or not explained, and because of it, we were susceptible to being abused. Thanks for sharing and hope to hear more from you. <3

That is so true that the abusers “see us coming.” 2 of my children had bad experiences with their teachers, but thank God, I was already in healing and knew the effects that my experience with my kindergarten teacher had on me.

It is a happy day for me when I see these same kids of mine, protect their kids. What is wrong with teaching our kids to respect those who deserve it and people in authority have no higher honor than they do themselves? Just because someone has a diploma, doesn’t mean they are good people. Some are bad people with a diploma.

Thanks dear friend for sharing. Patty

Patty, you mentioned in your response how so many endured what you had, but yet, was not affected in the way you where, and see that as a great way as raising their children……I’ve seen this by watching my sister, who was in/out in jails, while I was in/ut of treatment, rehabs, on &ff meds/drugs…..I wondered for years if others went through what my sister & I did how,would they turn out…I learned some are dead, some are in nuthouses/jails, in addiction, or still living it,,, the miracle …..its that some made it here! and are SURVIVING

I am touched deeply from your testamony and was raised with similar rules. We had to be seen and not heard. We didn’t have real relationships with our parents and I believe that because of this I was allowed to be sexually abused and I never told anyone ever. Even when I suppressed the abuse it resurfaced in my dreams. I was a prisoner in my own skin. I was told by my mother that I acted like a fag. I was told that on numerous occounts as a youth. Comments were made about my body that made me very uncomfortable but I dared not say anything about it to anyone ever. I really am thankful that you shared with the world about your life and abuse. Your story has given me hope for myself and for that I am very happy and thankful.

God Bless,

Chris

Jackie, can I identify w/you bigtime! you acknowledge courage, but I say, you being here takes amazing courage…this aint easy to do, and look at you!! Yippy….you go girl! love your courage..;) i

I am so sorry that you were not cherished and shown love as you deserved. It is so hard to live thru things like that and not have it affect our everyday life as an adult.

And you are brave also, because you just told me as well as every person who reads this. You are telling your story. And that is a good thing. You could have read my blog and not said a word, but you didn’t. You spoke up and the more you do speak up, the easier it becomes.

It is also good that you are able to see the wrong in how you were raised. It took me many years to figure out that my childhood wasn’t perfect. I thought I had the perfect parents and life was wonderful. Leave it to Beaver sort of thing.

Realizing how our upbringing and the false beliefs that molded our lives, is a big step in the right direction. Sorting it out and changing it is our ultimate goal in healing.

Thank you so much, and don’t discount yourself….. you are very, very brave to share your life with us all.

(((Hug))) Patty

Thank you for your encouragement.
I am so glad that it spoke to you and I think, as you do, that it is important to go beyond the abuse itself and discover the things that made an impression on us. Things that affected our lives. I remember when I went back to research the slapping of my teacher. I mean, who does that? I was this tiny little thing with no meat on my bones. I was not rude, nor loud or disrespectful to her, God knows I was raised to never raise my voice, but for her to slap me. How demeaning was that? Well, obviously enough that it stayed with me all these years.

I am real curious about my brothers reactions to this blog, if they read it. They have a totally different perspective on how we were raised. And it is quite a sight when we all get together and start talking about our childhood.

It just goes to show, that the path each one takes and the different color of moccassins we wear, affects us differently.

(((Hugs))) Patty

I too believe we need to have structure and boundaries with our children and teach them about the harmful things in life. I was raised in a way that painted a picture that I did not exist. I had no rights nor boundaries. I do believe that children need to be responsible for their actions as well as adults being held responsible also. I never acted out at school because I was in fear of punishment. Coming home to dinner time was a good thing, but no communication and again being treated as invisible was the harm of that.

We were taught in fear and by example. I do not believe kids should be punished for speaking out and defending themselves or expressing their opinions. Sadly, it took me a life time to find the nerve to do that because I was so shut down as a human being.

When adults were at my home drinking, is when most of my child hood sexual abuse occurred. We were sent out of the room so the adults could drink. I personally believe kids should be taken to a caregiver at that time, because they don’ t need to be around the adults. To just tell us to disappear, was not the right answer either. If I know there is going to be trash talk in my home, or people are going to drink, then I showed my children that I cared about their welfare by taking them out of the situation.

There are so many who may have lived my life but weren’t affected as I was, and see that as a great way to raise their children. It was not for me nor did I choose to raise mine that way. lol.

All I know is that we are all trying to fumble thru the book of life and our hearts are to do the right things for children and our selves. And that is all that matters.

Thanks for sharing, Patty