Comments on: The Dangers of Gratitude and a Positive Attitude

By: Debbie Pennock

Debbie Pennock — Thu, 04 Oct 2012 17:59:29 +0000

Christina,

Thank you. I do have the power but not the finances – for now. And to add to everything, I just found out that he has early dementia – crazy as that is. So there are many issues – morally and ethically, as well as personally. Who would have thought a major medical issue would confound my ability to leave?! I deal with garbage for way too many years and could possibly be stuck with an overwhelming medical issue. My take? God has given him over to the depravity of his own mind. However, it’s vascular dementia which has a much slower progression than Alzheimer’s (his dad has had it for 20 years!) so I might still leave. The abuse doesn’t go away and could get worse with the disease. Life…

Debbie

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Thu, 04 Oct 2012 17:21:31 +0000

Debbie,
I understand those feelings so well. When I was in the abusive system, coping was all I saw. I didn’t see any way out of abuse either, even when I was an adult. I’d learned the lesson my abusers wanted me to learn–that I was no match for their power and my only choice was to submit. I hope you’re able to find the power that you do have and escape your abuse.
Christina

By: Debbie

Debbie — Sun, 30 Sep 2012 02:55:23 +0000

I have to have a cheerful attitude in order to avoid my spouse’s wrath. I need to fake it whenever possible or I subject myself to his hostility. The ultimate revenge will be to perfect this positive attitude, make him think things are fine in his world, then leave – making his head spin. But I always seem to fail. I get upset, grumpy, or mention something that sets him off. I totally get what you are saying – really, I do – but when you are living it and there is truly no escape right now, then you have to protect yourself by whatever means are necessary.

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 17:11:38 +0000

Sharon, thank you for sharing that!

Chris, that’s interesting that you’ve found the same thing yourself. I love how that happens!

By: Chris

Chris — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 15:38:56 +0000

I have been thinking the same lately: that my self-imposed “attitude of gratitude” and my efforts to put on a happy face have been hurting me and allowing me to ignore what’s hurting and avoid change.

I continue to find your posts inspirational and healing. Thank you for all you do.

By: sharon

sharon — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 23:24:31 +0000

Thankyou Christina, this describes my life exactly. I am thankful to God that others like yourself are brave enough to speak openly. You are helping us that arent as brave to heal and face up too past sexual abuse that has caused so much grief .. I am thankful to God for you and he loves you so very much.

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 18:16:28 +0000

AmyH,
Welcome to OSA! Thank you for sharing your experience. The formula for dealing with imperfections you described sounds so much like what I was taught in church too. “Saved by grace” was preached, but what was modeled was the same thing you described. I’m so glad to have gotten out of that sick system and I’m glad you have too. Yay for seeing the truth!
Christina

By: AmyH

AmyH — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 08:14:09 +0000

I’ve read so many posts that have helped me today. Thank you for creating this site and sharing your stories.
This post was poignant for me – I was raised in a Christian Science family and church. The Christian Science religion is essentially positive-thinking + denial + self-shame for imperfections. Its doctrines were used by my family to hide all dysfunctions. In Christian Science, the followers believe that to completely ignore a disease or problem is the path to cure it. There were people in my church and family who knew my father was sexually abusive, but did nothing. Anyway, I escaped Christian Science in April 2010 (yay!), but this training in positive-thinking and denial still permeates my thinking and impairs my judgment. My therapist notes how I often joke about the trauma and laugh often at how ridiculous my family members are…it is much harder to cry. Fortunately, I have learned to grieve and have separated (mostly) from my family.

By: Christina Enevoldsen

Christina Enevoldsen — Sat, 10 Dec 2011 04:08:07 +0000

Genesis, I can relate to feeling rebellious for not being positive. We learn such dysfunctional rules in abusive systems. It’s time to make our own rules to fit a healthier life. Thanks for commenting!
Christina

By: Genesis

Genesis — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 17:32:08 +0000

I’ve felt like not being positive lately was being so rebellious. Growing up I had to just say what I was told to say and show no emotion. That was better and easier for them to control. It’s so weird reading things from people that describe my own feelings. So many years spent feeling all alone and misunderstood.