My Fight For Life Is Fueled By Hope

Aug 7th, 2010 | By | Category: All Posts, Guest Blog

by Patty Hite

The dictionary states: Hope is a belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one’s life.

I take this as meaning that I have to believe in a positive outcome. I have to believe in the healing methods in order to overcome the effects of my abuse. I have to believe.

I’ve always had someone or something invade my thoughts about hope. My abuser told me, “I know you are hoping that you can escape from me, but you won’t.” “I know you think you are smarter than me, but you’re not.” “I know you think you can stop me, but you can’t.”

When my daughter had leukemia, the doctors told me, “There is no reason to hope because she will die.” “I don’t want you to waste your energy on having false hope, you need to prepare yourself for her death.” “You think you are in hope, but you are actually in denial.”

My family told me, “Just get through high school. You’ll wind up getting married anyway.” “No, you can’t move back home, you made your bed, now lay in it.”

The loudest voices came from inside me. “I deserved to be abused.” “If I was a better wife, maybe he wouldn’t beat me.” “I have nowhere to go, I might as well just take it.” “If the kids would pick up their socks, I wouldn’t get so angry.” “If I smoke enough pot, I can drown out the pain.”

Now that I know there is a way to change my belief system into a new me, the voices still continued. It was a constant battle within me. Like the good angel and evil devil sitting on each shoulder. One would tell me I can do it. The other would tell me to give up. I battled with this for a long time. I would make great steps in healing, and then I would pull back. Take a few more steps, then pull back.

I remembered a dream I had shortly after my daughter was diagnosed with cancer. A robber broke into my home and grabbed my daughter. I heard a voice say, “If a robber came into your home and grabbed your daughter, what would you do?” In the dream I said, “I would fight with everything in me.” The voice said, “Then fight and choose life.”

It was this dream that kept me fighting for my daughter’s life. I spoke life into her. I wouldn’t allow any negative talk around her. The doctors and nurses were not allowed to talk about her prognosis in her room. Family and friends who visited were only allowed to speak life around her. I spoke daily to her about her future. She would ride a bike, go to college, get married and have babies. To this day, she doesn’t remember being sick, but she does remember believing that she would be okay.

This is what brought hope back to me. This is why I refuse to allow a negative thought in. If I can fight for my daughter’s life, then I need to fight for mine. This is a life and death choice as far as I am concerned. It’s dying to the old and living for the new. It’s saying goodbye to the voices of defeat, blame and shame and saying hello to the voices of value and worth, ability and trust, love and justice, creativity, knowledge, assertiveness and boundaries.

We have to believe in the steps we are taking toward healing. We have to have hope that we can overcome the effects of our abuse. It is more than just believing in hope, it is doing everything it takes to achieve healing. Re-visiting our abuse, reliving the pain, the emotions, the thoughts, and how we reacted to that abuse. It’s learning how to live a life with boundaries and making decisions. It’s accepting healthy relationships and learning how to trust. It’s doing. It’s being a partner with healing.

When the voices of defeat whisper in our ear, we need to be strong enough to tell them to shut up. To not obey them, and to have the courage to overcome them. It’s refusing to allow defeat to hold us back and keep us from hoping for a better life and a much improved us.

We are free now. And as adults, we are able to choose life. We are able to choose a new life.

As a survivor of emotional, physical and sexual abuse, Patty Hite has been tenaciously pursuing her healing for over thirty years. She’s a passionate advocate for all survivors and dedicates her life to inspiring emotional wholeness in others. As a former victim of spousal abuse, she’s delighted to find true love with her husband of ­­­­five years. She’s blessed with four children and six grandchildren.

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9 comments
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  1. Wow Patty, great post! I love the hope you bring instead of the doom. Your an awesome woman!

  2. patty
    bless your life, you are an inspiration to those following in your footsteps.
    on my journey i have come to realise that tho the mind may be willing till the brain actually alters the connections the reactions stay the same. i have also learnt not to beat my self for the times i appear to be failing, it has gotten to the stage where a backward step is only really a side-step so we can get round the barrier in our path. sometimes it is hard to accept that the fault lies on the adults around us and where meant to protect us, as our reality still cannot accept the total reality of the horror we went through. yet i have learnt to work on the bits that present or cause crisis and unravel the lies down to the deepest parts of the hell that was my child hood. i want my adulthood back, i dont want my past to taint the rest of my life so i will go and find the help i need.
    thank you for helping many of us grow

  3. Patty, I don’t think I’ve even told you this, but seeing you fight for Talitha’s life has been a source of inspiration as I’ve fought for mine. In some of the darkest times of my life, I remembered your victory and it gave me hope and courage. Your determination and fierce faith saved more than one life. Thank you, my dear, dear friend.

  4. Nicole.

    Thank you so much for the complement. It is so important for all of us to have hope. I am so glad the message got across. it gives me hope to help others hope. lol Thanks again!

  5. Carol,

    Thank you.

    It is hard to come to terms with the cold hard truth, that those who were supposed to protect us, chose not to. I am so glad you are seeking out the help you need, to be all that you can be. There are times that are so hard, that we question whether or not we should even open this can of worms. All I can say is, I am so glad I did. Remember to always, keep hoping. No matter how tough it may get, take time for yourself, take a break if you need to, but continue to move on in hope. It gets better, it gets easier. There are great things ahead. Let us know at OSA if there is anything we can help you with.

    Patty

  6. Christina,

    Thank you.
    We never know how important it is to heal. I know that if I wouldn’t have chosen healing for myself, I surely wouldn’t have had the strength and hope for her. You too, are a dear, dear friend, and I am so glad that you were given hope for a better life.

    Love ya, Patty

  7. thanks patti
    but you are already posting stuff that i knew but didnt have a clue how to break free from, so thank you for just being here, it has helped so much already and i know when i start the next phase, the bits that hurt the deepest n the longest, i know that i will find some answers n support here n on f/b because i found this group of special people

  8. That is an extremely powerful post and I read it over and over.

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