Comments on: OB/GYN OMG!

By: Knitted in the Womb

Knitted in the Womb — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 23:07:20 +0000

This is SUCH a sensitive issue, and you’d think that most OB/GYN’s would be more aware of it than they are, given the frequency with which women are sexually abused. Sigh.

There is a great book about sexual abuse that is directed toward maternity care, but much of it really is applicable to GYN care. It is called “When Survivors Give Birth” by Penny Simkin. It is not perfect…there is a part where it talks about the medical care provider deciding that a cervical check may be emotionally “beneficial” to the abused woman…without seeming to consider that the abused woman herself should be the one deciding if the check will be beneficial to her or not. But overall, I think it is very good.

A sensitive care provider should be willing to allow things such as bringing a supportive friend with you to your visit, and even allowing you to insert the speculum yourself–and insert it in privacy if that makes you more comfortable.

By: May

May — Fri, 11 May 2012 09:30:20 +0000

what a peculiar thing… I too used to think I couldn’t have children, don’t know exactly the reason.
I’ve always had very painful menstruation and pelvic pain, but little blood (I thought the normal was the opposite, little pain and lots of blood). I always felt there was something wrong with my body too, maybe that’s why I thought I wasn’t able to become pregnant.
But I am. There’s nothing wrong with me, and I had my very first exam at 21 years old, feeling very nervous…
I want to have children more than anything, and consider adoption as well…
But I still hate going to doctors… any kind of exam is like an invasion to my body, I really hate it, I only go when I really really need to.

By: Katie S

Katie S — Wed, 18 Apr 2012 05:44:40 +0000

I am 28 I have never had an exam. I tired. Got to the doctor and everything and I made him stop. I couldn’t do it. My friend wants to me to go but I can’t. I have the same fear that you had. I want kids more than anything, so I don’t want that to be taken away from me.

By: Mia

Mia — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 20:55:49 +0000

okay…so i like posted this in another thing BUT! i have to go to the gyno for like fricken ballet…I know weird huh?! but it needs to be done if i am going to audition for a spot in the company. Im am so nervous! how do i like survive them touching me down their after what happened to me?

By: kelly thompson

kelly thompson — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 19:45:31 +0000

Scott and Bethany; I know that feeling of believing it was all alright then realising that it was the opposite. For me the realisation came when I spoke about my stepbrother as if he had been my boyfriend, because thats what I had truly believed at the time. I didn’t seem to understand that because he was my stepbrother and because I was 15 and he 32 that it was wrong. I, like you thought I was lucky, as I had a big strong man who looked after me when all my friends were dating boys from school. I still struggle with this sometimes; as its hard for me to believe that the whole thing was just so wrong. The fact that I spent the past 12 years feeling the effects of abuse was just staring me in the face and I couldn’t hide it anymore. Now I shout about it!
Luckily I am engaged to an amazing man now; who has taught me a lot about placing the blame where it belongs; between my abuser and my parents, who knew what he was doing at the time. I also, like you believe that they will each in turn have to answer for their actions one day; and it helps so much.

By: Bethany Ruck

Bethany Ruck — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 18:50:46 +0000

Scott, I’m so sorry that happened to you, but I’m glad you got the help you needed. It’s amazing the effect sexual abuse has on our adult lives even when we didn’t know there was anything wrong as a child.

By: Scott

Scott — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 05:28:21 +0000

I remember being sexually abused by my teacher when I was in the 8th grade. I did not tell my parents until I was in my early twenties. She would fondle me and write me sexual notes. She was a friend of the family. She would hold my hand, and kiss me all over. At the time, I thought I was the coolest guy. However, after watching a show on sexual abuse, I began to cry. It was at this time, I told my parents. I was a victim and will always be a victim. I sought counseling and overcame it all. It was very difficult to trust anyone, especially women. I was in some very dysfunctional relationships with women. Finally, I became strong emotionally and physically. Counseling helped so much. I am very protective of people I love. I am happily married and am in a healthy relationship with my wife. Through it all, I have had to forgive my offender in order to move on. I know she was a sick, perverted person. However, she will meet her creator someday and will have to answer to him. I firmly believe that.

By: Bethany Ruck

Bethany Ruck — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 16:27:43 +0000

Kelly,

I can definitley identify with your discomfort. If you feel able to, it can be very helpful to communicate with your nurse or doctor the reasons why you are so nervous about the exam. I told my doctor that I was afraid of something being wrong me because of sexual abuse. Normally, they just do their thing and get out of there, but because I spoke up, I got a more sensative and in depth explaination of things and clairification on what is really going on down there. It helped a lot. Doctors and nurses deal with the issue of sexual abuse all the time – especially an ob/gyn. So don’t worry about embarrassing them. Do what is going to make you most comfortable for your exam. If that means talking about the abuse, do that. If that means having a trusted friend with you, do that. Do whatever you need to do to get you through it.

By: kelly thompson

kelly thompson — Mon, 19 Sep 2011 08:21:08 +0000

I keep putting my smear off; even though I have had cells removed in the past two years. The removal was horrible; and it came at a time when I was just starting to realise that I had been abused my 32yr old stepbrother. (I was 15 at the time) I have very tender skin in that area, it tends to split if Im anxious and sex can sometimes be a bloodbath (even though sex is on the shelf for a spell) so I cannot bear the thought of being lay down on a table with my legs open. Im scared I might blurt it out to the nurse and what on earth is she supposed to say? I don’t want to embarrass her!

By: Bethany Ruck

Bethany Ruck — Sat, 27 Aug 2011 21:09:54 +0000

Anorfii,

If you think that might have been abused, but don’t remember it (which is very common) check this list of indicators out:

http://overcomingsexualabuse.com/2010/02/13/possible-indicators-of-sexual-abuse/