Comments on: My Story by Patty Hite

By: John K. Valan

John K. Valan — Tue, 09 Oct 2012 03:14:33 +0000

I was 7…. I witnessed my father having sex with my 3 year old sister.
Later in life…the same sister at the age of 45 witnessed my father having deep throat with another woman.
…. today… my sister is a wreck. Thanks for sharing. There are other out there, and it is nice to know,…it happens to other. Regards.

By: Patty Hite

Patty Hite — Tue, 04 Sep 2012 13:45:17 +0000

Knitted,

Yes, I’m sure that she was abused in one way or another her whole life. That is what is so tragic. I only wish that she could have been released from her pain before she passed away. A whole life ruined because of abuse. It’s so sad to know that there are many, many others who have lived this tragedy. Patty

By: Knitted in the Womb

Knitted in the Womb — Mon, 03 Sep 2012 22:54:27 +0000

Wow…what a story! I’m so sorry for all that happened to you!

For what its worth…I doubt your sister was only molested by your father that one time. The car was probably one of a series of gifts that were given to her over the years to buy her silence. The abuse likely went on for MANY years.

By: Patty Hite

Patty Hite — Thu, 30 Aug 2012 15:00:45 +0000

The facebook support page is called Overcoming Sexual Abuse. It’s a great group of survivors who share their accomplishments and storys about healing and their struggles during this process. Hope you join us. Patty

By: Patty Hite

Patty Hite — Thu, 30 Aug 2012 14:58:41 +0000

Vicki,

I used to think it was my responsibility to make others understand how I was feeling. Especially my family. I wanted them to understand my pain. But after many years of trying I realize that I can’t be responsible for their decisions. I can only guard myself from them hurting me by their decisions. I just don’t care any more. I have more important things to do with my life, and I am living my life in spite of them. They have to live with their choices and I have to live with mine. I’ve surrounded myself with people who do care and support me and have replaced the need to have those who don’t believe me, on my side. Patty

By: Shay

Shay — Sat, 25 Aug 2012 04:22:10 +0000

But its so hard to not think like that, i mean so much of my family think im lying and making it up. Theyre all telling me to stop but i dont have any control over this, child services are involved :/ No im not, that would be great whats it called?

By: Vicki B.

Vicki B. — Sat, 25 Aug 2012 04:06:58 +0000

My siblings do that too: try to act like I’m the one who’s done everything to destroy the dynamics (which is a laugh b/c there never WERE any NORMAL dynamics) and one of them even threatened to visit physical violence on anyone who brought up anything like it again.
They like to try to have everyone believe that THEY have reSPECT for the abusers but, if that were true, they wouldn’t have buried the abuser dressed in death the way she NEVER appeared in life and then told lies about who she was as if they were too ashamed to even represent the real her.
If that’s what they’re calling respect, I hope they have nothing but disrespect for ME when I die. According to The Grief Recovery Institute, that’s not grief work at all and will keep you locked in grief forever unless you change it.
But people in my family left and when I told and are still mostly gone. They seem like they’re never going to recall the truth or stop treating the abusers like enshrined people, whom can do no wrong, and I don’t even try to get them to anymore.

By: Patty Hite

Patty Hite — Sat, 25 Aug 2012 02:18:12 +0000

Shay, You didn’t ruin your family. They chose that path by the decisions that they made. You are not guilty. It was torn apart long before you ever spoke up. I used to think that too because when I spoke up my siblings do everything to try and convince me that I am wrong, and I need to forgive and I need to get over it. But I finally realized that it wasn’t because I am talking about, it’s because they have always been that way. I was never good enough and I always felt like they shut me down. That I had nothing important to say. Well, it’s not any different now. They are still trying to get me to shut up.

Are you involved in any support groups?? I’d like to invite you to our facebook support group overcoming sexua abuse. it helps to know that we are not alone. And you don’t have to say a thing if you don’t want to, but reading other familiar stories like your own, may help you to realize that you are not at fault. Patty

By: Shay

Shay — Fri, 24 Aug 2012 21:29:39 +0000

Im 16, this story is really inspiring. Ive just spoken up about Sexual abuse that happened when i was 9 with my step dad, and how my mom covered it up. Im taking both of them to court now, im totally torn, and i hate that ive ruined my family. Thanks for your story, it really is amazing

By: Patty Hite

Patty Hite — Tue, 14 Aug 2012 14:34:09 +0000

Anne,
I’m so sorry for how you were treated. I can’t imagine being dropped off at a strangers house like that, and the thought of doing that to my child, any child is beyond my understanding. I can certainly understand why you feel the way you do. You were treated with no value so of course you are going to feel that way thru out your life.

I”m so glad that you are in recovery. When the time comes, I hope that you continue to find a path to heal from your abuse. I do believe that we can be normal and have seen the results in my own life as well as others. It doesn’t mean that we will ever forget the abuse but it does mean that the abuse does not rule our lives. We can live life without punishing ourselves and blaming ourselves.

When the adults in our life doesn’t protect us and treat us as valuable, we are so quick to believe that we aren’ t valuable, which in turn causes us to treat ourselves that way. I ran to drugs early in my life and made some bad choices thru out my life, but the more I heal from my dysfunctional upbringing and my abuse, the more I care about myself. And that is what is so important. Once I started to care about myself, then it helped me to balance my life. I could then put up healthy boundaries, guard myself from others abuse, guard myself from doing destructive things to harm me.

I know it is a hard to believe that we are valuable when others have treated us like we aren’t. But we are. You are. Once I started to get angry about the way I was treated, then it was like I had a driving force behind me to do what ever it took to gain true self back. You didn’t deserve to be treated that way. You deserve so much better and there is hope of living without that abusive world guiding your path. ((hug))